Aiding and A'Betting: Week Nine

So after Monday night, the Falcons are 4-3 - which might make you think I'm chewing at my wrists. But remember, this is where I thought they'd be (Ok, I reversed the Dallas and Chicago results, but 4-3 was the target). There just hasn't been a single defeat that made me slap my forehead - @New England, @Dallas, @New Orleans. And starting Sunday, the schedule gets a whooooole lot easier.

Washington on deck. Winless Tampa Bay twice. The New York teams, both looking more beatable than they did a month ago. Carolina and Buffalo, 6-9 between them.

Now, of course, I no longer believe "ten wins should get the NFC South for Atlanta." That ship has probably sailed. But if we beat Philadelphia, all Atlanta's wild card hopes rely on is Tony Romo's down-the-stretch collapse and Eli Manning continuing to suck. So obviously, PLAYOFFS HERE WE COME.

The picks:

Kansas City @ Jacksonville (-6 1/2). Famed UGA tailgate Tent City has a busy weekend ahead of itself. There's, of course, the historic matchup between Georgia and Tennessee Tech on Saturday. On Sunday, though, the action shifts to a site of actual football competence - the Georgia Dome. A couple of Tent Citizens - bloggers both prolific and not so much - are huge Washington Redskins fans, and the crowd is a'followin'. I'm just excited to revel in the huge starpower Washington brings. Jason Campbell! Colt Brennan! DeAngelo Hall! Brian Byron Westbrook! I'm practically vibrating. PICK: Jacksonville

Baltimore (-3) @ Cincinnati. Actually, I am vibrating. Just found out I have a reserved spot in line for next week's Stephen King book signing in Atlanta. Now I have seven torturous days ahead of me, trying to decide exactly what question to ask, and obsessing about all the ways I could screw it up. (I'm a fan.) PICK: Baltimore

Houston @ Indianapolis (-9). Netflix recommendation: "Monty Python: Almost the Truth." It's a brand new, six-part documentary about the British comedy troupe - and though I'm just two hours in, it's one of the best things I've seen this year. PICK: Houston

Green Bay (-9 1/2) @ Tampa Bay. PICK: Green Bay

Arizona @ Chicago (-3). Jay Cutler, your time is up. Perhaps you missed it, but my fantasy team's publicity office announced on Monday that Carson Palmer will get the start at QB for the foreseeable future. The Berman Stroke Hopers just need new leadership, not a simpering fat-face who apparently gets his jollies from throwing interceptions. So Mr. Palmer, don't let us down. We would also like to welcome Ronnie Brown and Chad Ochocinqo, acquired in a Wednesday trade for RB Steven Jackson. Truthfully, I'm still trying to find out why that was offered to me - I feel like I stole something. What am I missing? PICK: Arizona

Washington @ Atlanta (-10). I don't know, I'm a little nervous about this one. Ten points is a lot for a team coming off a short week, against one just coming off its bye. Maybe a 13-10 Falcons victory, but probably nothing more than that. Jason Campbell is back in SEC country, and who knows, that might provide a spark. The Redskins are actually a talented bunch, after all. PICK: Washington

Washington@ Atlanta (-10). Just fucking with you. The Redskins suck. Falcons by 30. Duh. PICK: Atlanta

Miami @ New England (-10 1/2). PICK: Miami

Carolina @ New Orleans (-13). PICK: New Orleans

Detroit @ Seattle (-10). The moment Crash won Best Picture, I officially gave up on the Oscars. I had come close a few times - Roberto Benigni beating Edward Norton, Million Dollar Baby over The Aviator, and A Beautiful Mind winning in the year of Memento, Mulholland Dr. and The Royal Tenenbaums (none of which were even nominated). But Paul Haggis' thuddingly obvious racial parable taking the top prize? DONE, GOOD SIRS. So I didn't really stress out over the recent decision to have 10 Best Picture nominees instead of the usual five. Retarded, right? I mean, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was nominated last year - that should be a signal you have trouble filling just five slots. So this week, it was announced Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin will co-host the show. Is that enough to save it? I'd be inclined to say yes, but I know they'll end up naming a dud like Star Trek as one of the 10 best, and I'll throw up. PICK: Detroit

Tennessee @ San Francisco (-4). "South Park" turned in a top 10 episode this week, and it really hit close to home. See, though I may be fiscally conservative, I'm pretty liberal socially - especially when it comes to gay rights. I'm for gay marriage, gay adoption, gays in the military, gays wherever the hell they want to be. Ain't hurting me, so I don't care. THAT SAID. Sorry, but I love the word "fag." It's hilarious. It's easy, abrupt, cutting - and just so, so funny. Sue me. Anyway, I've talked about this with a super-liberal friend, and he has the same condundrum. We know we shouldn't like the word, but my God, we just do. And after watching the latest "South Park," it's clear Matt Stone and Trey Parker have had a similar conversation. I won't spoil anything, just watch it. Fag. PICK: Tennessee

San Diego @ NY Giants (-5). PICK: NY Giants

Dallas @ Philadelphia (-3). PICK: Philadelphia

Pittsburgh (-3) @ Denver. PICK: Denver

Last week: 8-5-0
Overall: 67-48-1

You're the inspiration

Ok, another Onion video - which is easier than coming up with content myself. But I'm amazed how well-written, and especially well-cast, these things are. Lorne Michaels should clean house and turn "Saturday Night Live" over to these guys.




That shot of Matt Stafford just kills me.

A day late

Aiding and A'Betting: Week Eight

I hope to see this kind of thing many times on Monday night. I HOPE to.

The nightmare scenario could be upon us.

Each football weekend, I root for three things:

1. The Atlanta Falcons to win.
2. The Georgia Bulldogs to win.
3. The Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets to lose.

If Las Vegas is to believed, zero of those things will come to pass this weekend - and it would be the first time the anti-trifecta has been achieved in over two years (on September 8-9, 2007, Georgia lost to South Carolina, Georgia Tech beat Samford and Atlanta lost to Minnesota). Georgia and Atlanta are both double-digit underdogs, Georgia Tech is a double-digit favorite.

And with the Falcons playing on Monday night, the misery could be spread over three days.

Something needs to happen. A miracle has to occur. Pray for me.

The picks:

Denver @ Baltimore (-3). I screwed up plenty in my fantasy football draft - Steven Jackson, Steve Smith, not taking a QB until the 6th round - but all of those mistakes may be rectified by one Mr. Ray Rice, who I grabbed with the 147th overall pick. He's a legit top-5 running back now, and probably the only chance I have of three-peating and receiving more bushels of roses, monetary donations and coupons for free chicken from fans such as yourself. PICK: Baltimore

Cleveland @ Chicago (-13). PICK: Chicago

St. Louis @ Detroit (-4). Just taking a stab here, but this probably won't be the most watched game of the week. Even in St. Louis. (It definitely won't be in Detroit, as it has been blacked out. Ouch.) PICK: Detroit

Houston (-3) @ Buffalo. Fans of "The Office" should check out Subtle Sexuality, which despite the name, is actually safe for work (turn your speakers down, though). Mindy Kaling, BJ Novak and Ellie Kemper, among others, have created a storyline completely separate from the show, and it's just as funny (also follow their characters on Twitter: @iamkellyfierce, @veRY_ANgelic and @iamerinhannon.) And I just found out Kemper, who plays the new secretary, is the author of some memorable McSweeney's entries. CRUSH. PICK: Houston

Minnesota @ Green Bay (-3). Go Brett Favre's old team! PICK: Green Bay

San Francisco @ Indianapolis (-13). EDSBS was on fi-yah Thursday, about one of my favorite topics: the asshattery of Georgia's governor. "Sonny Perdue burrows even lower into the warm humus of gubernatorial stupidity, however, by opposing the lifting of the Sunday alcohol ban. Correct, non-Georgia readers: if you want alcohol on Sundays in Georgia, you must first drive to a bar, then pay a fifty percent markup over wholesale, and then wait until you sober up before you drive home because some turkey-wattled Baptist eighty miles away in Hookwormville thinks Crazy Old Testament God is going to turn him into a pillar of salt if the citizens of Atlanta get drunk in the safe, warm, and undoubtedly godless confines of their own house. Oh, but you could just buy on Saturday. It’s not a big deal! THAT’S WHAT THEY SAID ABOUT THE GHETTOS OF WARSAW, COMMIE." PICK: Indianapolis

NY Giants (-1) @ Philadelphia. PICK: Philadelphia

Miami @ NY Jets (-3). PICK: Miami

Seattle @ Dallas (-9 1/2). Let's make another list, and call this one "People I Want To Die A Lengthy, Painful, Horrible, Itching Death." 1. Keith Brooking. 2. Osama bin La - no, fuck it, Keith Brooking again. After last week's childish display against his former team (flapping his arms, celebrating a false start like a trailer park skank winning the goddamn lotto), I will be INFURIATED if Atlanta honors him after his career is (officially) over. He was an overrated turd when he was here, he's an overrated turd now, and I will lose my fucking mind if his banner is ever raised to the Georgia Dome rafters. Honestly, since I'm not alone in this, he would probably become the first player to be booed while getting his number retired. These feelings are not new. PICK: Seattle

Oakland @ San Diego (-16 1/2). And here we are. A 3-3 team getting a 16 1/2-point spread over anybody is absurd, until you hear how Vegas has been doing this season. The bookies can't set the spreads high enough this year, and I wouldn't be surprised to see one over 20 points as soon as the Saints/Rams matchup in two weeks. PICK: San Diego

Jacksonville @ Tennessee (-3). White House spokesman Josh Earnest managed to increase my distrust of the Obama administration this week: he compared them to the New Orleans Saints. From Politico: "As our administration makes progress on the agenda that Washington has ignored for too long, we expect we’ll get some news coverage of that progress that we like and some tough coverage that we don’t. It’s not unlike the New Orleans Saints, who are getting lots of good coverage of their perfect record so far — certainly better coverage than the [2-5] Redskins — but it doesn’t mean the Saints have liked every story that’s been written about them since training camp. It goes with the territory." Wait, did he just intimate Obama's presidency has been perfect? PICK: Tennessee

9:42 p.m. update: A few hours after this posted, The Wall Street Journal's James Taranto reflected on this quote as well. And I like his response better: "The New Orleans Saints are undefeated because they have focused on one thing: playing great football. Unless President Obama and his men get serious and focused on governing, they'll end up like the St. Louis Rams--winless, and nearly owned by Rush Limbaugh."

Carolina @ Arizona (-10). Also, I find it interesting that in the article, a political analyst named (really) Sherry Bebitch Jeffe says, "There may well be almost an unconscious effort on the part of the media to give Obama a bit more slack because he is more likable, because he is the first African-American president" (emphasis mine). Wait, isn't that exactly the kind of statement that got Rush Limbaugh in trouble regarding Donovan McNabb? PICK: Carolina

Atlanta @ New Orleans (-10). I was almost excited to pick against Atlanta for the first time since December 2007. But 10 points - I mean, the Saints are due for a disappointing game, and double digits just seem like an overreaction to one bad Falcons outing. I don't know about a good guy win here, but I have to go with the old standby. PICK: Atlanta

Last week: 6-6-1
Overall: 59-43-1

Quarter Back: October 1984

Quarter Back is a monthly feature looking back at the movies of 25 years ago. One movie will be watched for the first time, one will be revisited.

In 1984, I watched every movie I could get my hands on. Of course, at 8 years old, I was stuck on what my parents deemed safe, which means I watched the same movies over and over. Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Poltergeist, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Rocky III - so yeah, basically the same movies I watch over and over today.

I'm guessing October '84 was spent around the glow of a warm VCR, because I certainly didn't see any of these titles in theaters. Yeah, for some reason, my mom didn't take me to see Mr. Universe as a killer cyborg, a Diane Keaton Israeli/Palestinian drama, or a celebration of the goriest movie moments in Hollywood history. Weird, huh?

Featured Movies



Stop Making Sense
Seen it before?: No.
Release date: October 19, 1984
Actors: David Byrne, Chris Frantz, Tina Weymouth, Jerry Harrison
Director: Jonathan Demme (The Silence of the Lambs, Philadelphia)
Box office: $4.9 million (#112 in 1984)

Twenty-five years ago, Jonathan Demme delivered what was instantly considered one of the greatest concert films of all time. It opened with David Byrne standing on a bare stage, acoustic guitar in hand, performing his now classic "Psycho Killer." With each song, new equipment would be wheeled out and a bandmember would join - a bassist, a drummer, a keyboardist, back-up singers, etc. Not until the sixth song was Talking Heads there in toto.

It's as cool as it sounds. And it's easy to remember why Talking Heads were such a huge band of the moment - "Psycho Killer," "Burning Down the House," "Life During Wartime," "Once in a Lifetime," "Girlfriend Is Better," "Take Me to the River." All fantastic songs.

The problem is, after that electric opening, I remembered I don't really like concert films. Prince's Sign O' the Times bored me to tears, and even U2's Rattle & Hum never garnered a second viewing (and I worshipped every other aspect of '80s and '90s U2). And I have to admit to never seeing other "classics" of the genre, Gimme Shelter or Martin Scorsese's The Last Waltz.

I don't know, I just don't find it very interesting to watch a band perform - especially when you're missing the all-encompassing sound, the electricity of an audience, and the alcohol buzz that enhances the electricity. There's some artistry there, I get it, but are the cool parts cool because they are for you, or because you're imagining they are for the audience? Byrne is one of rock and roll's standouts as far as stage presence goes, and of course the music is great. But you're not there, you're not with them, and it's different and sorta boring by comparison. Grade: B-



Teachers
Seen it before?: Long, long ago, and only the edited-for-TV version.
Release date: October 5, 1984
Actors: Nick Nolte, JoBeth Williams, Ralph Macchio
Director: Arthur Hiller (Love Story, Silver Streak, Outrageous Fortune)
Box office: $27.8 million (#33 in 1984)

The movie was clearly a moderate hit, as its box office standing reveals. (The #33 films of the past few years were High School Musical 3: Senior Year, Beowulf and Jackass: Number Two, all regarded as successes). Looking back, though, I'm confused who it was made for.

We have Nick Nolte (48 Hrs.), JoBeth Williams (The Big Chill) and Judd Hirsch ("Taxi") - so clearly, a movie for adults. But then we have Ralph Macchio (four months off The Karate Kid), and a liberal sprinkling of bad sitcom humor - so clearly, a movie for teens. And then the rub: two movies in one, but neither is particularly memorable.

Nolte is a teacher in a rough New York City high school, hit on every side by a collection of soap operatic cliches. A kid graduated that can't read. A loner acts out, but he really has a heart of gold. Somebody has a gun in a locker. One of the girls is pregnant, and a teacher is the father. There's an undercover cop posing as a student (seriously, has this ever happened outside of TV and movies?). There's a mean district boss threatening to fire everyone.

I'm assuming the movie is called Teachers and not Students for a reason, and that it wants Nolte and the adults to be the focus. But it all seems so juvenile. There's a good movie in there somewhere, even a good comedy that can examine the real problems of a teacher. But this one is too confused to be it. Grade: C-

Other films 25 years old this month:

American Dreamer - The month of JoBeth Williams, apparently. In this romantic adventure, she played a car crash victim who wakes up thinking she's an international spy. I don't know, I prefer my car crash victims to wake up as ACTUAL international spies, a'la The Long Kiss Goodnight.

Body Double - Ah, the '80s - a more innocent time when people actually wanted to see Melanie Griffith naked. She starred in this Brian DePalma murder mystery, kicking off a leading-lady career that would run for about 10 years, cresting with 1988's Working Girl. And like many other '80s leading ladies, she hasn't appeared in anything you've heard of for a while.

Comfort and Joy - Writer-director Bill Forsyth, who has spent his career making movies you've never seen, added another one onto the pile with this tale of the Glasgow ice cream market. Starring Bill Paterson, now the star of "Law & Order: UK," which really does exist.

Crimes of Passion - I mentioned Melanie Griffith, but nobody had a steeper fall from sexual grace than Kathleen Turner. In 1984, she was sexy as all hell in Romancing the Stone and this thriller, but as Bill Simmons recently pointed out, 10 years later she was Chandler's cross-dressing dad on "Friends." I mean, here's a before and after - but really, for your sanity, don't even look. Robert Zemeckis recently announced a Roger Rabbit sequel, but can she even voice Jessica Rabbit again? Won't you be thinking of that "after" picture every time she speaks?

Eureka - Gene Hackman played a rich man dealing with the downside of wealth in the 1940s. Despite a cast that included Rutger Hauer, Mickey Rourke and Joe Pesci, I have NEVER heard of this. Am I alone?

Firstborn - This family drama is now more notable for its supporting cast (Robert Downey Jr., Sarah Jessica Parker) than its actual stars (Peter Weller, Teri Garr, Christopher Collet). Of course, the only reason I saw this as a kid was Corey Haim. Because, believe me - there was a time when Corey Haim was completely badass. Remember that the next time you attack today's youth for liking The Jonas Brothers.

Garbo Talks - Gilbert has just learned that his Greta Garbo-worshiping mother (Anne Bancroft) has six months to live, and attempts to make her final wish come true - she wants to meet the reclusive actress. Garbo didn't take part in this film or any other one for the last 49 years of her life. Hope that's not a spoiler.

The Little Drummer Girl - I thought this was a Christmas movie for years. In fact, it's a somber meditation on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict starring Diane Keaton. So I was close.

The Ploughman's Lunch - If you're dying to dabble in the politics of mid-'80s Britain, you're in luck with this drama starring Jonathan Pryce. If not, there's always Transformers 2.

The Razor's Edge - Columbia Pictures wanted Bill Murray for Ghostbusters, but the comedian wasn't quite as gung-ho. So a deal was struck - he'd do the paranormal comedy, but only if the studio would finance his dream project, this adaptation of the W. Somerset Maughan novel. In it, Murray played against type as a World War I veteran who visited Paris, India and Nepal in search of the meaning of life. Columbia lost a bit on the film, as it made only half its $12 million budget back. But considering the $291 million Ghostbusters pulled in, the Columbia execs weren't kicking themselves.

Songwriter - Willie Nelson and Kris Kristofferson starred in this comedy set in the country music world. Limits weren't really stretched, no.

Stranger Than Paradise - Jim Jarmusch's black comedy is still worshipped in the independant movie world, as it served as a kind of kickoff to the Spike Lee/Steven Soderbergh/Miramax era of indie dominance.

The Terminator - Well, if you knew one August '84 release would still be spawning sequels 25 years later, you wouldn't guess Garbo Talks: Salvation would be at a theater near you. But still, what this James Cameron film created is nothing short of amazing; in dollars, in special effects milestones, and in its reach (remember, there was a recent TV show as well). The franchise kickoff is definitely more dated than the sequels, but is by far the most frightening.

Terror in the Aisles - Donald Pleasence and Nancy Allen hosted this theatrical documentary (sort of) about the history of horror movies. Basically, it was just a glorified clipshow, stringing scenes together from Alien, Psycho, Rosemary's Baby, The Exorcist, Halloween and about 75 more. A relic of the pre-Youtube era.

Thief of Hearts - This was Steven Bauer's one grasp at leading man status, coming off his performance as Al Pacino's brother in Scarface. Five years later, he was Christian Slater's brother in Gleaming the Cube. Obviously, it didn't take.

Quarter Back: September 1984
Quarter Back: August 1984
Quarter Back: July 1984
Quarter Back: June 1984
Quarter Back: May 1984
Quarter Back: April 1984

Aiding and A'Betting: Week Seven

Intros suck, ya know. Says the guy too lazy to write one.

The picks:

Indianapolis (-13) @ St. Louis. Tennessee Titans coach Jeff Fisher managed to create even more controversy when he wore a Peyton Manning jersey to a Nashville fundraiser. "I just wanted to feel like a winner," he said, which is pretty funny. But that wasn't his best quote. A day later, he answered the cries of angry Titans fans. "It was for a very, very worthwhile cause, charity," Fisher said. "I was introducing Tony (Dungy), just having fun with it and I really apologize if I offended anybody. But if you're offended over the nature of that type of thing, then I think you need to rethink things." Well done. The non-apology apology is an artform unto itself. PICK: Indianapolis

Green Bay (-6 1/2) @ Cleveland. PICK: Green Bay

Minnesota @ Pittsburgh (-5). Um, no, I meant this is the week the Vikings are revealed as frauds. Seriously. This week. PICK: Pittsburgh

New England (-14 1/2) vs. Tampa Bay. The Bucs are technically the home team here, but the game is being played in jolly ol' London, home to Shakespeare and sleeper cells. I'm not sure of the business arrangements here, but I do know Tampa Bay will obviously lose a home game - and if I'm a fan, I'd be pissed about that. Luckily, there aren't too many Bucs fans these days to care. PICK: New England

San Francisco @ Houston (-3). PICK: Houston

San Diego (-5) @ Kansas City. PICK: Kansas City

NY Jets (-6) @ Oakland. Due to Georgia's weak play and the Falcons' emergence, my interest in college football has probably never been lower. Love the tailgating in Athens, but I haven't set foot in a college stadium this year, and probably won't until Kentucky comes calling (and just because some friends are taking part in the pregame festivities). However, there's a possible storyline, that if it comes to pass, will make 2009 a season to truly celebrate. If I ranked the 120 Division I FBS teams in order from love-to-hate, #267 would be Georgia Tech - the same nerds that currently hold a 6-1 record. Well, their next four weeks present a kindergarten class-style batch of cupcakes, and they should be the 10-1 hosts of a down Georgia Bulldogs team in late November. I barely care about beating Florida (as long as we shatter Tim Tebow's legs - no, seriously). If we lose to Kentucky, Auburn and even Tennessee Tech, whatever. Hell, I almost want to lose to Tennessee Tech, if we can then go to Atlanta and wipe the floor with the Yellow Jackets. I mean, they will be going into that game with BCS dreams, and we can spoil that with four good quarters, dick-kicking them in the process (figuratively for most, literally for me). I mean, that will be absolutely, 100% more satisfying than winning some silly Sugar Bowl - destroying Tech's season would actually count for something. PICK: Oakland

New Orleans (-6 1/2) @ Miami. Last Sunday's prime-time Falcons game brought a different crowd atmosphere than the standard 1 p.m. kickoffs do. That's what eight straight hours of pre-game drinking will do, I guess. A good 15 minutes before gametime, I saw one near-fight in my section, and heard rumblings of others elsewhere. There was quite a bit of jackassery going on. But it never reached the level of this particular jackass:


I guess "Gaints" rhymes with "Saints?"

I mean, look at that wad. When was the last time you saw a more pained, pleading, attention-whoring expression? And you can tell he's been at it ALL FUCKING GAME, by the look of the woman to his left. But it's not his stupid face or Mark Richt-haircut that bothers me - it's the sign. Not the Saints-love, not the misspelling - just its general existence. Because there's a special place in Hell for people who bring signs to games. You're basically telling everybody around you, "My pathetic, childish ambition to get on TV for two seconds is more important than you seeing the field." DIE, ASSHOLE. PICK: Miami (yeah, I said it)

Atlanta @ Dallas (-4). Ok, once - once - I did bring a sign to a game. It was a Maryland/Georgia Tech Thursday night game, and I created a "51-7" poster to hold toward the GT student section (UGA had beat them by that score a year previous). In my defense, I was in the back row of my section, blocking nobody. And second, it was totally fucking awesome. Oh, and speaking of awesome, this game is starting to make me nervous - seemingly everybody is picking Atlanta to win outright. PICK: Atlanta

Chicago @ Cincinnati (-1). My two fantasy quarterbacks - Jay Cutler and Carson Palmer - face off. Yep, Cutler and Palmer. I'm probably not going to hit the league championship three-peat, no. PICK: Chicago

Buffalo @ Carolina (-7). So I ended up with a screener of Paranormal Activity, this year's most buzzed-about horror film. Avoiding all hint of spoilers, it's about a young couple and the bumps in the night that happen in their house. Of course, I definitely won't get into spoiling the ending - because I haven't actually seen it yet. I turned the movie off last night after about an hour. Now, yeah, you can throw bagina-rhyming insults my way, but at least let me point out it was at 1 a.m. Work night and all. But from what I did see, yeah, ok, it's pretty freaking scary, and I don't say that about movies very often. (It actually reminds me of my dad's old house, where crazy stuff happened a few times. One night, the dishwasher closed by itself and turned on. I shit you not. And one time I woke up pinned to the ceiling above my bed, pressure on my shoulders and shins keeping me there, which could have been a dream, but seemed silly real.) PICK: Buffalo

Arizona @ NY Giants (-7). I'm actually not joking about that ghost-in-my-dad's-old-house stuff. There was something there. They've since torn the house down, WHICH MEANS THE POLTERGEIST IS LOOSE IN BROOKHAVEN. PICK: NY Giants

Philadelphia (-7) @ Washington. Making fun of the Redskins isn't even fun anymore. Which of course is a total lie. PICK: Philadelphia

Last week: 8-6-0
Overall: 53-37-0

Defies description

So Kanye West can act too. Dammit.



Directed by Spike Jonze. Inspired, no doubt, by David Lynch.