Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Hot for teacher

Forgive my lack of - well, whatever it is I do here. My summer is over, as I'm now officially a 5th grade teacher. I don't see my first student for almost two weeks, and my classroom has only barely begun to take shape. But they gave me a laptop, so any concerns this might all be an elaborate practical joke have subsided.

This week, I'm sitting through a series of orientation meetings designed by Captain Obvious. You know, a lot of teachers aren't exactly the brightest bulbs out there, but I really don't need to be told I shouldn't physically hit children. Also, anybody dumb enough to download porn onto their work computer - which was told to a big group by an instructor who didn't take her eyes off of me - deserves to be fired. Other things I apparently need to be told not to do: don't wear short shorts, don't handcuff kids to sinks, and don't tell parents their children are "fucking retards."

Seriously, though, I'm not making this up: a lot of your kids' teachers are complete morons, so much so I do think some of these meetings are legitimate. During my grad school career, I have gotten through boring classes only by making fun of my dumber compatriots. At first I thought maybe it was me who was exponentially smarter than the average person, but after the 20th drool puddle I had to step over, I realized it was just my chosen profession.

Anyway, maybe that's just the frustration talking. I've wasted two days at these meetings, and will likely consider tomorrow's 6-hour marathon unworthy as well. So while I'm languishing in the depths of Moronicaville, I will sit back and think of perhaps the funniest thing I have ever seen (not even remotely safe for work, unless you have headphones).


Lydia said...

Isn't it sad or perhaps funny, depends on how you look at it, how stupid people really are. How do they survive in this world? I know I'm not the smartest person but compared to most I am a genius.
Good luck this year with those 5th graders.

jason said...

I want a credit!

Chip Houston said...

Josh ~
That's awesome! Where are you teaching?