The back's draft

Are you ready for some football?!?

Well, more to the point, are you ready for some football - discussion?!? Admittedly, that doesn't sound as exciting, but in these barren months between January and August, we football fans have to take what we can get. And what we get this weekend, my friends, is my favorite day of the spring - with maybe one exception - the National Football League draft.

There are more intriguing storylines in this draft than in any I can remember. Which quarterback will go first? Will Vince Young or Jay Cutler fall into the late teens or - gasp! - twenties? Will the Falcons get back into the first round, and will they use a later pick on DJ Shockley (c'mon, it makes sense)? Where - if anywhere - will Marcus Vick go? Which team will absolutely steal Leonard Pope, a man Chuck Norris calls "sir?" Could LenDale White's fat ass make him fall into the second round?

With four days to go, the following is my prediction of how the first round will go. It's absurdly long, and almost impossible to manuever if you're unfamiliar with the NFL. Plus, as with all mock drafts, it's pretty much pointless because a lot of these picks may be traded before all is said and done. However, at least it'll give you the opportunity to call me an idiot on Monday when these are all wrong.



1) Houston Texans - Reggie Bush, RB, USC. Say it loud: trade down, Texans! Trade down, trade down, trade down! On its list of needs, "running back" is pretty low on Houston's proverbial totem pole. Domanick Davis has been more than serviceable as a featured RB, and his best years may lie ahead - the guy is only 25, after all. Would the Jets trade their two first-rounders, and possibly a later pick, for a shot at Bush (after all, Curtis Martin is 81)? Can a deal be worked out with the Broncos? Lord knows the Colts, 49ers, Vikings and a few other teams need a runner. Of course, we'll never know, as the Texans will bow to fan pressure and take Bush with the first pick of the draft. "I can honestly tell you - honestly - that we have not made a decision as to who we'll draft with the first pick," Texans GM Charley Casserly told SI's Peter King on Sunday. He's lying. Honestly.

2) New Orleans Saints - Mario Williams, DE, N.C. State. The Saints are dying to move down a couple spots, gaining another pick and still getting their shot at Williams or D'Brickashaw Ferguson. It won't happen, because the team's "Maybe we'll grab Matt Leinart" assertions are so retarded even Wonderlic wonderboy Vince Young can see through them. Yeah, you're gonna spend $10 million on Drew Brees, then draft your QB of the future? The Titans and Jets will be more than happy to stay where they are and still get a shot at their guys.

3) Tennessee Titans - Matt Leinart, QB, USC. And the Jets front office flinches with this one - they wanted Broadway Matt. The Titans will have their pick of the Big Three quarterbacks right here, but will go with the safe bet/marquee idol Leinart over Young or hometown boy Jay Cutler (both of which might make a little more sense, actually). It's looking increasingly like Steve McNair will no longer be a Titan, however, and Leinart is probably the most ready to be pushed into immediate duty. (With McNair there, I'm convinced they'd take Young, and use Steve a one-year tutor). By the way, do you think Leinart is kicking himself for not coming out last year? He would have been a clear No. 1 pick, millions of dollars richer, and stayed in California with the 49ers.



4) New York Jets - D'Brickashaw Ferguson, OT, Virginia. How much faith do the Jets have in the reemergence of Chad Pennington? Do they grab Young or Cutler here, or perhaps help Pennington's future injury problems by taking a guy to protect him? If Leinart were still available, it would be the former, but since he's not - Brick is in the house.

5) Green Bay Packers - A.J. Hawk, LB, Ohio State. A nationally syndicated radio host recently reported the following rumor: Brett Favre told the Packers months ago whether or not he was going to return this season, but they're keeping it a secret to throw other teams off their trail. That is, of course, the dumbest fucking thing I've heard in a list of dumb fucking things about this draft. It only proves the draft should be two months earlier so our nation's poor, mistreated sports journalists wouldn't have to make up such asinine shit for such a long period of time. The only way that rumor could be anywhere close to true is if the Packers were somehow thinking of taking a QB - which they're not, because they just grabbed Aaron Rodgers in the first round last year. Actually, let me take that back: there is NO WAY this rumor could be anywhere close to true. Hawk will be the choice here, which may piss Favre off as he'd surely prefer Maryland TE Vernon Davis.

6) San Francisco 49ers - Vernon Davis, TE, Maryland. The 49ers are the proud owner of two first round picks, which sounds good - but the 49ers would probably need 15 first rounders to compete in 2006. Now if I ran the show, San Fran would slot OT Winston Justice to protect sophomore QB Alex Smith, and fill the glaring hole at TE at pick #22 with Leonard Pope. However, as they haven't asked me to be the GM, I'm assuming they'll supplant the oft-injured Eric Johnson with Davis (who is definitely a stud).

7) Oakland Raiders - Vince Young, QB, Texas. This just makes too much sense - Young will look at home in a Raiders uniform. Plus, isn't it obvious Al Davis signed Aaron Brooks with Young - moreso than Leinart or Cutler - in mind? Beyond their obvious skin-color similarities, Brooks will serve as a perfect teacher to the Young. They're both mobile but not too mobile, strong-armed, ... and no, I wouldn't discount the "being a black quarterback in the NFL" lessons that can be passed on.

8) Buffalo Bills - Brodrick Bunkley, DT, Florida State. Buffalo doesn't need anymore receiver help now that they've resigned Peerless Pri... OK, I can't finish typing that. That actually is Buffalo's most glaring hole after the departure of Eric Moulds - is Lee Evans really the number one guy now? - but there is no WR this year worth taking this high. So Buffalo will work to upgrade its weak defensive front with Bunkley, leaving many teams below feeling depressed. Plus, the matching alliterative "B.B." scheme just works.

9) Detroit Lions - Jay Cutler, QB, Vanderbilt. This is a hard pick to gauge, only because thinking similarly to the Lions front office requires a lobotomy. Cutler is the best pick here, but will Matt Millen and Co. pull the trigger? They already have a motley collection of has-beens and never-weres on the roster (Jon Kitna, Josh McCown, Joey Harrington), but are any of those guys the oft-discussed "quarterback of the future?" Considering none of them have ever been "the quarterback of the present," I'd say no. That said, will Detroit be happy with its collection and go elsewhere? Maybe they need another receiver.

10) Arizona Cardinals - Michael Huff, CB/S, Texas. Believe it or not, the Cardinals have quite a collection of offensive talent: Edgerrin James, Anquan Boldin, Larry Fitzgerald, Neil Rackers, and a reportedly rejuvenated Kurt Warner. A quarterback will have to be addressed in the near future, but with the Big Three off the board, the Cards will address their defensive needs. Which are plentiful, by the way.

11) St. Louis Rams - Ernie Sims, LB, Florida State. The Rams are another team hoping for a quarterback to drop - but it ain't gonna happen. And that will be a good thing for them, because defense should be a bigger priority. Sims, who is still dead to me for picking FSU over UGA, is the best player available, and the selection just makes sense. Plus, former Bulldog LB Will Witherspoon can bitchslap him for me. (By the way, I have a nagging feeling St. Louis will trade this pick).



12) Cleveland Browns - Kamerion Wimbley, DE/OLB, Florida State. Willie McGinest ain't a young man anymore, so the Browns will be looking to shore up their pass rush for years to come.

13) Baltimore Ravens - Haloti Ngata, DT, Oregon. Baltimore loves its defense, and it will only grow better with this addition. Of course, Brian Billick will wet himself if any of the QBs drop this far.

14) Philadelphia Eagles - Winston Justice, OT, USC. The Eagles are dying for another running back, but Philly will likely subscribe to the "you can still find good backs in the third round" logic Denver has perfected. Justice has the best name in the draft, though sadly I'll have to curse it forever once he becomes an Eagle.

15) Denver Broncos - Santonio Holmes, WR, Ohio State. The Falcons's original pick. Now the Broncos's. And it will be somebody else's on Draft Day, I'm guessing, with the way the team has been bouncing all over the board. There seems to be widespread agreement, however, that Denver will address its glaring receiver needs here. There are a couple possibilities, but since I see Chad Jackson staying in-state, the nod goes to Holmes.

16) Miami Dolphins - Chad Jackson, WR, Florida. I tipped my hand there, huh? Miami has solidified (sorta, I guess) its offense with the signing of QB Daunte Culpepper, and its running game is looking increasingly solid with Ronnie Brown and, uh, Ricky Williams maybe? The defense is increasingly older but still anchored strong, so receiver seems the way to go here.



17) Atlanta Falcons - Tye Hill, CB, Clemson. Yeah, I said it. As of this writing, Pick #17 belongs to the Vikings, but I'm traveling out on a limb here and saying the Falcs end up with it (with a big wave goodbye to Matt Schaub and perhaps a late pick). Truth is, Jason Webster sucks. I mean, sucks. He's a wide-as-a-Mack-Truck hole in Atlanta's defense, and what's worse is that everybody knows it. Hill will be more valuable than a backup quarterback, especially when Blank and Co. can draft one of those later on (COUGHshockleyCOUGH).



18) Dallas Cowboys - Donte Whitner, S, Ohio State. With receiver needs filled by Terrell Owens, Dallas is left to choose between its defensive backfield and offensive line. And since Drew Bledsoe will be sacked even if you build a cement wall around him, why not go for the sure bet?

19) San Diego Chargers - Johnathan Joseph, CB, South Carolina. On its depth chart, the Chargers might as well list me as their number one guy, because they don't have anybody much better. Of course, you could say drafting somebody from South Carolina is just the same as drafting me, and well, I would be personally offended.

20) Kansas City Chiefs - Antonio Cromartie, CB, Florida State. This draft is particularly deep in good cornerbacks, which is doubly perplexing to me that Atlanta currently doesn't have a pick (but I'm hopin', as you can see). This guy is the best of the bunch, despite only getting one collegiate start; he'll likely step in and be a starter from Game One.



21) New England Patriots - Chad Greenway, LB, Iowa. Bill Belichick would be so happy he might actually smile if Greenway fell all the way to #21. The Pats's vaunted defense wasn't so vaunted last year, and Greenway is a perfect fit - but I seem to be the only one who thinks he'll still be around.

22) San Francisco 49ers - Jimmy Williams, CB, Virginia Tech. Filling the gaping hole left two years ago by the departure of Jason Web... again, I can't finish the sentence.

23) Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Ashton Youboty, CB, Ohio State. The Bucs are said to be looking corner with their first pick, and this is the best of the - remaining - bunch. The Bucs would love to see Cromartie fall a couple more spots, but Youboty (I can't wait to find out how that's pronounced) will have to do.



24) Cincinnati Bengals - Leonard Pope, TE, Georgia. Oh, what the hell? Cincinnati is in need of a tight end, and though most (if not all) draft boards have UCLA's Marcedes Lewis higher than Pope, I'm hoping David Pollack and Odell Thurman have put some good words in on His behalf.



25) New York Giants - Richard Marshall, CB, Fresno State. I can't believe the Giants would sign another OLB before the ink is dry on LaVar Arrington's contract. So the Giants will take their next greatest need, which seems to be a popular one - if this pans out, Marshall will be the seventh CB taken.

26) Chicago Bears - Marcedes Lewis, TE, UCLA. This is predicated on my Cincinnati/Leonard Pope pipe dream prognostication. Chicago needs a pass-catching tight end, and Lewis is certainly the best on the board at this point.

27) Carolina Panthers - DeAngelo Williams, RB, Memphis. True, the Panthers did resign DeShaun Foster in the offseason, but another sound RB is necessary due to his shaky injury history. Williams is actually a steal at this point; he'd be a Top 10 pick many other years.

28) Jacksonville Jaguars - Manny Lawson, DE, N.C. State. A powerful force against the rush, Lawson will be a Godsend this late to the Jags. Most draft boards have Lawson gone at this point, however, so the Jags may look to fill their TE needs (so if both the Bengals and Bears unwisely pass on Pope, it may only be a 6-hour drive to see His Holiness play).

29) New York Jets - LenDale White, RB, USC. The great question mark. White had an awful postseason, gaining weight and performing below average at the combines. However, anybody who watched him in college knows the guy has some power, and the Jets (assuming they still have this pick) will hope to tap back into that. Curtis Martin can't be counted on to play all 16 games.

30) Indianapolis Colts - Laurence Maroney, RB, Minnesota. So long, Edge! With the departure of Edgerrin James, the Colts are in dire need of a runner. I'm not going to even look who they currently have on their depth chart - James Mungro, maybe? Dominic Rhodes? Maroney and White are the two runners slated to go around here; the Colts will take whichever one the Jets don't.

31) Seattle Seahawks - Jason Allen, S, Tennessee. A hip injury apparently ended Allen's senior season early, but did the 2005 UT season even start? Zing!

32) Pittsburgh Steelers - Mathias Kiwanuka, DE, Boston College. Pittsburgh needs some receiving help (Hines Ward can't do it all - allegedly), and they might grab the very likable Sinorice Moss here. Moss's 5'8" height will probably scare them into drafting defense, however, and Kiwanuka's pass rushing ability is proven.