Saturday, July 29, 2006

Italian jobs

I'm sitting here tonight, honestly asking myself which movie I'm looking forward to more: a Martin Scorsese movie starring Jack Nicholson, Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio, Mark Wahlberg and Alec Baldwin, or Sylvester Stallone's Rocky Balboa.

The trailer for Scorsese's flick, The Departed, debuted today. Also introduced was the teaser poster for the sixth entry of Stallone's Oscar-winning boxing franchise.



Am I going to Former Movie Critic Hell if I admit that, yes, I'm just a little more pumped up for the return of the Italian Stallion?

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Domestic terrorism was never that bad

This afternoon's poll on ESPN.com:



I voted no. I mean, what has Oklahoma City ever done to deserve an NBA team?

Those are good people out there. They don't need that mess.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Fun with Google

And now, once again, it's time to play "How the Hell Did You Get Here?" This game is brought to you courtesy of Sitemeter, that little tag at the bottom of this page which reads how individual readers were brought to Martians Attacking Indianapolis.

The recent Google searches delivered people to my Internet doorstep:
  • "players rumor gay garcia piazza"
  • "U2 Bad/40/Where the Streets Have No Name"
  • "actress embarrassing"
  • "moby, video, martians" (if only they knew who else I rolled with)
  • "do these effectively hide my thunder"
  • "Jamie Walters Indianapolis"
  • "ryan gosling sightings"
  • "www.mycockrewards.com"
  • "steelers repeat 'vegas odds'"
  • "best movies of the last ten years"
  • "hollywood's most embarrassing moments"
  • "oscar 1976 ceremony"
  • "o so krispie myspace"
And, my personal favorite:
  • "Tony James in Casting Couch 4" (which I assume is a porn thing, but I still come up #8)
By the way, I was going to do an image search for "Tony James," until I realized it might be two first names, instead of a first and a last. And there's some stuff mine eyes just don't wanna see.

Friday, July 07, 2006

This is how I roll



You can't tell which one is Nick Lachey and which one is me, can you? I agree - the resemblance is uncanny.

It's funny because it's true

T-Shirt Hell is famous for their, um, mildly inappropriate apparel. Their offerings include shirts saying stuff like "What about all the good stuff Hitler did?" and "I don't need condoms. The AIDS will kill the baby."

Yes, I find it hilarious. Yes, I'm 30 and single for a reason.

Their latest offering is tame by such standards, and though I usually eschew free advertising, it seemed rather timely (and funny).

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Emmy 2006

The Emmy nominations were announced this morning, an event I usually ignore like Jeff Francoeur does the "take" sign. This year, though, I perused the list closely, for the first time really nodding my head in agreement or scoffing at a couple of outlandish choices.

See, we are in television's golden age, my friends. While movie fans look back to the '70s, TV viewers can look to right now, 2006, to see the best the medium has ever offered. The glut of channels - and therefore of offerings - have forced Hollywood to turn out better product, and it has.

Right now, I am completely addicted to a number of shows that are better than any theatrical film I've seen this year. "24," "Lost," "Deadwood," "The Shield," "Entourage," "The Office," "South Park," "Scrubs," "Curb Your Enthusiasm," ... um, COUGH"The O.C."COUGH ... These are shows I just don't miss, and they are all currently in production. I'm not even talking about recent cancelled classics like "Freaks and Geeks," "Arrested Development," "NewsRadio" and "Alias."

Of the major award shows, though, the Emmys are perhaps the most frustrating in their historical repetitiveness. The same shows are always nominated, the same actors are always recognized, and it is generally very stale, so much so I've never actually watched the telecast.

Did you know John Larroquette won Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy for four years in a row? For freaking "Night Court?" It got so absurd he finally withdrew his name from consideration. If only the cast of "Will & Grace" had the same class (this is the seventh straight nomination for both Megan Mullally and Sean Hayes - who haven't stretched or changed their characters since day one).

This year, some of the dead-weight stalwarts are out of the picture. This is the first year "Everybody Loves Raymond," "Friends" and "Frasier" aren't eligible. And next year, thank God, we'll lose "The West Wing" and "Will & Grace" - two shows obscenely past their prime, but which Emmy voters still get wet over.

It's time for some new blood (and recognition of some slightly older but still good blood). And the timing is absolutely perfect.

Though Defamer makes a good point that "Lost" received one fewer nom than the execrable "Will & Grace" (can you tell I hate that show?) and that "Two and a Half Men" equaled the tally of "The Sopranos," I still feel pretty good about the choices. I'm preferring to focus more on the surprising inclusions than the glaring exclusions, I guess. And the fact Desperate Housewives got hosed.

Here are the main nominations, some commentary, and my personal choices. There are 90 categories in all, and neither you or I want me to prattle on about them all, but adventurous minds can head here to read the list.

Drama Series: "Grey's Anatomy," "House," "The Sopranos," "24," "The West Wing"

Last year's winner, "Lost," is not here - and that's probably my biggest peeve with the nominations. I mean, it wasn't quite up to its original heights, but it was still a bit better than any show here (and the season's first five minutes were among the best television has ever produced). "The Sopranos" was down; quite honestly, "Deadwood" is now HBO's best drama. And I know it has been cancelled now, but did anybody actually watch "The West Wing" in its last season? The best of these five: "24." My overall choice: "Lost."



Comedy Series: "Arrested Development," "Curb Your Enthusiasm," "The Office," "Scrubs," "Two and a Half Men"

Three cheers for the nominating crew. Well, two and a half (see what I did there?). I'm thrilled with this list, with the egregious exception of "Two and a Half Men" trumping "Entourage." I'll try to ignore that slight, though, because of the outstanding recognition of the other four funniest shows on TV right now. And I'm especially happy for the crew of "The Office," who have miraculously turned a can't-win scenario (remaking a classic) into a huge success. A sad hurrah for "Arrested Development" as well, which was off a little bit this year but still the second funniest show on TV. The best of these five: "The Office." My overall choice: "The Office."



Actor, Drama Series: Christopher Meloni, "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit"; Denis Leary, "Rescue Me"; Peter Krause, "Six Feet Under"; Kiefer Sutherland, "24"; Martin Sheen, "The West Wing"

Only one of these actors (Sutherland) was nominated last year, which makes this a shift of monumental Emmy proportions (although Sheen and Krause have been nominated before). Of these shows, I'm only substantially familiar with "24," although I can't imagine Michael Chiklis's work on "The Shield" (or Ian McShane on "Deadwood") isn't better than Martin Sheen coasting through a final season. And no James Gandolfini? The best of these five: Sutherland. My overall choice: Chiklis.



Actress, Drama Series: Kyra Sedgwick, "The Closer"; Geena Davis, "Commander in Chief"; Mariska Hargitay, "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit"; Frances Conroy, "Six Feet Under"; Allison Janney, "The West Wing"

Of these shows, I watch exactly zero. Because of that, I have only one complaint: Edie Falco's Paris-based episode of "The Sopranos" alone should have been enough to propel her to a nomination. Otherwise, the other female leads on my faves aren't particularly strong. I love Evangeline Lilly on "Lost," but she's not exactly breaking ground. If only Glenn Close had stuck around on "The Shield"... The best of these five: Sedgwick, because she was nice to my sister. My overall choice: Falco.



Supporting Actor, Drama Series: William Shatner, "Boston Legal"; Oliver Platt, "Huff"; Michael Imperioli, "The Sopranos"; Gregory Itzin, "24"; Alan Alda, "The West Wing"

I love the Shat, but what about the amazing supporting cast of "Lost" (particularly Terry O'Quinn and Josh Holloway)? Itzin's inclusion, though, perfectly sums up what I love about this year's nominations - he was outstanding, but a no-name. In year's past, he probably would have been passed up for a boring choice like, well, Alda. Instead, it's O'Quinn, Holloway and Walton Goggins ("The Shield") getting the shaft. The best of these five: Imperioli. My overall choice: Goggins.



Supporting Actress, Drama Series: Candice Bergen, "Boston Legal"; Sandra Oh, "Grey's Anatomy"; Chandra Wilson, "Grey's Anatomy"; Blythe Danner, "Huff"; Jean Smart, "24"

Again, I only watch "24," so at least I'm happy about Smart's inclusion - she did a lot more with her Mrs. Logan than I thought possible in the early goings. The best of these five: Smart (by default). My overall choice: CCH Pounder, "The Shield."



Actor, Comedy Series: Larry David, "Curb Your Enthusiasm"; Kevin James, "The King of Queens"; Tony Shalhoub, "Monk"; Steve Carell, "The Office"; Charlie Sheen, "Two and a Half Men"

I can't argue any "Office" love (even if I could about the omission of Zach Braff and Jason Bateman in place of freakin' James and Sheen). However, I'd slide Carell into the supporting category and nominate John Krasinski's shockingly good work here. Carell may be the bigger name, but the show belongs to Krasinski and Jenna Fischer. If you don't believe me, ask yourself this: could the show lose Carell and keep going strong? I believe it could (and will eventually have to). Could it lose Jim and Pam and still keep people interested? You know my answer. The best of these five: Carell. My overall choice: Jason Bateman, "Arrested Development."



Actress, Comedy Series: Lisa Kudrow, "The Comeback"; Jane Kaczmarek, "Malcolm in the Middle"; Julia Louis-Dreyfus, "The New Adventures of Old Christine"; Stockard Channing, "Out of Practice"; Debra Messing, "Will & Grace"

Ok, the hell? My one audible scoff came at seeing Julia Louis-Dreyfus's name here. Please raise your hand if you've seen "The New Adventures of Old Christine." Please raise your hand if you've heard of "The New Adventures of Old Christine." She's here because she's a "name," plain and simple, and that's the old Emmy mindset coming back to bite itself in the ass (and don't even get my started about Messing). The best of these five: Kudrow (the show sucked, but she was good). My overall choice: Jenna Fischer, "The Office."



Supporting Actor, Comedy Series: Will Arnett, "Arrested Development"; Jeremy Piven, "Entourage"; Bryan Cranston, "Malcolm in the Middle"; Jon Cryer, "Two and a Half Men"; Sean Hayes, "Will & Grace"

Let me immediately glance over the asinine love for "Two and a Half Men" and "Will & Grace," especially when John C. McGinley ("Scrubs") - who has never even been f'in nominated - and Rainn Wilson ("The Office") are infinitely more deserving. Instead, I'll offer a big huzzah to the voters for showing Will Arnett some love. Piven and Cranston both do outstanding work week-in-and-week-out, but Arnett never got a fraction of the attention. The best of these five: Arnett. My overall choice: John C. McGinley, "Scrubs."



Supporting Actress, Comedy Series: Cheryl Hines, "Curb Your Enthusiasm"; Alfre Woodard, "Desperate Housewives"; Jaime Pressly, "My Name Is Earl"; Elizabeth Perkins, "Weeds"; Megan Mullally, "Will & Grace"

If I could give a "Best Performance Anywhere on TV, Male or Female" Emmy, it would have Jaime Pressly's name engraved on it this year. Who saw this coming? She is unbelievable on "My Name Is Earl," and I really do mean unbelievable: in my college years, she seemed headed toward a career of soft-core porn (most famously in the oft-watched-in-my-apartment Poison Ivy: The New Seduction). She's been the best things about a couple of movies (Joe Dirt and Not Another Teen Movie), but her Joy is a truly original marvel. The best of these five: Pressly. My overall choice: Pressly.



Hey, I didn't say it wasn't worth watching.

ANIMATED PROGRAM (FOR PROGRAMMING LESS THAN ONE HOUR): "Camp Lazlo: Hello Dolly/Over Cooked Beans," "Family Guy: PTV," "Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends: Go Goo Go," "The Simpsons: The Seemingly Neverending Story," "South Park: Trapped in the Closet"

Yes, the infamously banned "South Park" episode attacking Scientology is nominated for an Emmy. And yes, pointing this out is probably the main reason I wrote this post in the first place. The best of th... Yeah, I don't have to answer this, do I?

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Hard-hitting journalism

The. Hottest. Headline. Ever.

What are the odds

First, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution uncovers Batman's secret identity. Now, only a day later, comes a story even more shocking: How was I not aware Atlanta had legalized gambling?



Oh wait, that's supposed to be Atlantic City...

Copy editors, get your resumes ready. The AJC appears to be in short supply.

Race cards

Yesterday, I made it through the Peachtree Road Race for the second time.

Please note I didn't say I "ran" the race; I was happy enough just to make it through. A liberal guesstimate puts my output yesterday at about 50% running, 50% walking. And today, I am 100% limping. My feet look like softballs, my hips are pretzels, and my head is pounding. Well, that last one is probably due more to Jack Daniels than the race, but whatever.

So I did the Peachtree. Hell yeah. What I didn't do, though, was dress for the part.

The freaks don't come out at night as much as they come out on the morning of July 4th. I saw people running in suits, various superheros, some military guys in full dress, and even two grown men running in hula girl outfits. It's all part of the fun.

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, in fact, took a picture of the superheros I saw, and posted it front-and-center on their webpage.



Read the "also known as" names carefully. Do you think there's a reporter out there a bit gullible, or at least not very pop culture-savvy?

(By the way, somebody eventually caught it, as the "real names" were gone 30 minutes after I grabbed this image. But I gotcha, AJC - you ain't getting past me!).

Monday, July 03, 2006

More MySpace fun

This is getting out of control.

Even Cynthia McKinney has a MySpace page.