Monday, January 29, 2007

Bearly true



Just a week away from the Super Bowl, members of the Chicago Bears are speaking out on their team's underdog status.

Linebacker Brian Urlacher: "We're like the stepchild ... It's been like that all year for us. We like the underdog role. We've done well in it so far this season."

Center Olin Kreutz: "We have been the underdogs all year. We kind of relish that role. We will see what happens Sunday."

Coach Lovie Smith: "We are playing the Colts this week, and they have a lot of weapons, and I can see why we are in that underdog role. I have a harder time seeing how we've been in an underdog role all year with our record. We've met all the obstacles that have been put in front of us ..."

We see the well-crafted storyline, right? Repeat after me: The Bears don't mind being underdogs because it's been that way all year.

OK, fine, the Bears are seven-point dogs to the Colts this Sunday. Is it true, though, that they've been in this position all along?

I started picking games in the sixth week of the NFL season. Let's see how the oddsmakers felt about Chicago's chances:

Week 6: Bears favored by 10 1/2 @ Arizona.
Week 7: Bye week.
Week 8: Bears favored by 16 1/2 against San Francisco.
Week 9: Bears favored by 13 1/2 against Miami.
Week 10: Giants favored by one point over Bears @ New York.
Week 11: Bears favored by 7 @ New York Jets.
Week 12: Patriots favored by three over Bears @ New England.
Week 13: Bears favored by 9 against Minnesota.
Week 14: Bears favored by 6 1/2 @ St. Louis.
Week 15: Bears favored by 13 1/2 against Tampa Bay.
Week 16: Bears favored by 4 1/2 @ Detroit.
Week 17: Bears favored by 2 1/2 against Green Bay.
First playoff game: Bears favored by 8 1/2 against Seattle.
Second playoff game: Bears favored by 2 1/2 against New Orleans.

In the Bears' final 13 games, they were the underdog a grand total of TWO times - and never by more than a field goal. Both instances occurred when Chicago visited the home stadium of an eventual playoff team. In four games, Chicago was favored by double digits, a rare occurrence in these so-called parity-driven days of the NFL.

So Chicago: Shut up.

The "disrespect" card is one of the oldest, most overused, most obnoxious sports clich├ęs, and that's just when it could be considered true. The Bears are playing it when they've been heavy favorites in almost every game. This team's whining is almost as embarrassing as their 1985 counterpart's "The Super Bowl Shuffle." And we all know how off-the-charts embarrassing that was.

Here's hoping the Colts make the Bears feel as persecuted as they imagine themselves to be.

8 comments:

Doug said...

I think that if you've made it all the way to the Super Bowl, the very concept of being an "underdog" or "disrespected" should pretty much go out the window. If you've established yourselves as one of the two best teams in the entire NFL, then the only people seriously telling you "you suck" are trash-talking fans of the other team, which just comes with the territory.

maya said...

I think it's cute when I hear your rants before you write about them.

Sarah said...

I'm too busy Super Bowl Shuffling, eating polish sausage and lighting candles at the grave of Walter Payton to diginify this with a meaner comment. Hopefully that Pasqua guy has a quality response.

Pasqua said...

(CHORUS)
We're the Bears Shufflin' Crew.
Shufflin' on down, doin' it for you.
We're so bad we know we're good.
Blowin' your mind like we knew we would.
You know we're just struttin' for fun
Struttin' our stuff for everyone.
We're not here to start no trouble.
We're just here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle.

Well, they call me Sweetness,
and I like to dance.
Runnin' the ball is like makin' romance
We've had the goal since training camp
To give Chicago a Super Bowl Champ.
And we're not doing this because we're greedy.
The Bears are doin' it to feed the needy.
We didn't come here to look for trouble,
We just came here to do
The Superbowl Shuffle.

This is Speedy Willie, and I'm world class.
I like runnin', but I love to get the pass.
I practice all day and dance all night,
I got to get ready for the Sunday fight.
Now I'm smooth as a chocolate swirl,
I dance a little funky, so watch me girl.
There's no one here that does it like me,
My Superbowl Shuffle will set you free.

I'm Samurai Mike. I stop 'em cold.
Part of the defense, big and bold.
I've been jammin' for quite a while,
Doin' what's right and settin' the style.
Give me a chance , I'll rock you good,
Nobody messin' in my neighborhood.
I didn't come here lookin' for trouble,
I just came to do the Superbowl Shuffle.

(CHORUS)

I'm the punky QB, known as McMahon.
When I hit the turf, I've got no plan.
I just throw my body all over the field.
I can't dance, but, I can throw the pill.
I motivate the cats, I like to tease.
I play so cool, I aim to please.
That's why you all got here on the double,
To catch me doin' the Superbowl Shuffle.

I'm mama's boy Otis, one of a kind.
The ladies all love me
For my body and my mind.
I'm slick on the floor as I can be.
But ain't no sucker gonna get past me.
Some guys are jealous
Of my style and class.
That's why some end up on their (bleep).
I didn't come here lookin' for trouble,
I just get down to the Superbowl Shuffle.

They say Jimbo is our man.
If he can't do it, I sure can.
This is Steve, and it's no wonder.
I run like lightnin', pass like thunder.
So bring on Atlanta, bring on Dallas.
This is for Mike and Papa Bear Halas.
I'm not here to feather this ruffle,
I just came here to do
The Superbowl Shuffle.

I'm L.A. Mike and I play it cool.
They don't sneak by me 'cause I'm no fool.
I fly on the field and get on down.
Everybody knows I don't mess around.
I can break 'em, shake 'em,
Any time of day.
I like to steal it and make 'em pay.
So please don't try to beat my hustle,
'Cause I'm just here to do
The Superbowl Shuffle.

(CHORUS)

The sackman's comin', I'm your man Dent.
If the quarterback's slow,
He's gonna get bent.
We stop the run, we stop the pass.
I like to dump guys on their (bleep).
We love to play for the world's best fans.
You better start makin'
Your Superbowl plans.
But don't get ready or go to any trouble,
Unless you practice
The Superbowl Shuffle.

It's Gary here, I'm Mr. Clean.
They call me "hit man"
Don't know what they mean.
They throw it long and watch me run.
I'm on my man, one on one.
Buddy's guys cover it down to the bone.
That's why they call us the 46 zone.
Come on everybody, let's scream and yell.
We're goin' to do the Shuffle,
Then ring your bell.

You're lookin' at the Fridge,
I'm the rookie.
I may be large, but I'm no dumb cookie.
You've seen me hit, you've seen me run.
When I kick and pass, we'll have more fun.
I can dance, you will see.
The others, they all learn from me.
I don't come here lookin' for trouble,
I just came here to do
The Superbowl Shuffle!

Josh said...

"Hopefully that Pasqua guy has a quality response."

Nope.

(Go Colts.)

Sarah said...

Fine. Let me put down my Italian Beef with cheese and peppers, and toss down some really lame smack:

Bear down, Chicago Bears, make every play clear the way to victory;
Bear down, Chicago Bears, put up a fight with a might so fearlessly.
We'll never forget the way you thrilled the nation with your T-formation.
Bear down, Chicago Bears, and let them know why you're wearing the crown.
You're the pride and joy of Illinois, Chicago Bears, bear down.

Sarah said...

Just don't make me put my fork down while I'm eating my Giordano's deep dish. Imagine if I was actually from Chicao instead of downstate.

Doug said...

Oh yeah? Well Hail to the Red-skins, hail vic-to-. . .

Oh, wait, my team isn't good. I forgot. I'm sorry.