Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Betcha Bottom Playoffs: Week 3

I'm feeling saucy today. Let's go straight to the picks.

I did all my obnoxious showboating a couple of days ago, anyway.

New Orleans @ Chicago (-2 1/2). I haven't done drugs in years, but I fear I had a flashback last week. Did I actually type "Go Saints?" I mean, it was half way through the third quarter of last week's Saints/Eagles game, Drew Brees completed a pass - and I clapped. And then it hit me like, oh, maybe a hurricane or a strong, damaging, hilarious flood. I was rooting for the Saints! Immediately I tried to rectify the situation by warning my pug I was going to dump a cooler full of water on her, giving her a minute to heed my warning, dumping a cooler full of water on her when she stayed behind, and then praising her for being "brave" and a "survivor." No dice, though - I had been wrong. Well, no longer. Not only do I think Chicago is going to win this week, I want Chicago to win this week. And if that means cheering for Rex Grossman, so be it. The Bears will shutdown the Saints running game (causing a big fumble from Deuce McAllister at one point, or so the cards tell me), and Brees won't be able to pick up the slack. Plus, two more f'in weeks of "New Orleans is the team of destiny" stories will make me cut my wrists. And probably yours too. PICK: Chicago

New England @ Indianapolis (-3). The Patriots are the better team, and they proved they can win on the road - by beating a team much better than the Colts last week. Still, it has to be said: I fucking hate the Patriots. I hate the idea they might in the Super Bowl again. I hate their fans' smug attitudes and blinder-wearing dipshit mentality. I hate Tom Brady for obviously selling his soul to the dark lord Satan. I hate the Red Sox, and, well, the teams do have the same asshole supporters. I hate Bill Belichick for somehow causing me to read a really boring book about him. I hate the idea of reading Bill Simmons' 572nd column in which he flosses with Brady's pubes. I hate the fact they have me really wanting the University of Tennessee's all-time golden boy to win a Super Bowl just so New England fans will shut the fuck up about "owning" him (Saints aside, I'll always side with south over north in a superiority contest, even if it means judging a dick-size contest between Jerome Bettis and Danny Wuerffel.) And most of all, I hate them for forcing me to make a pick with my heart and not my head. Ok, not "most of all." PICK: Indianapolis

Last week: 3-1
Overall (playoffs): 5-3
Overall (regular season + playoffs): 99-88-3
Fake wagering total ($50 on every game, 10% juice on losses): up $110


Doug said...

Brady dumps Bridget Moynahan and rebounds with Gisele?

Wow, man. There's just . . . there are no words. When you've got three Super Bowl rings, you've done a cameo on "Family Guy," AND you're able to toss Bridget Moynahan because you know there'll be a Brazilian supermodel down the line, what else is left for you to do?

alex said...

He's hosted SNL too, where he was featured in one of my favorite sketches, "Sexual Harrassment and You." Important lessons learned on how to appropriately approach women in the workplace include "be handsome, be attractive and don't be unattractive." Looks like art does indeed imitate life.