Friday, March 02, 2007

Blonde ambition

The so-called Barbie Bandits have been captured, and a restless nation breathes a sigh of stupidity.

The local story made national headlines because, well, it is a little bizarre for teen girls to rob banks. Second, and infinitely more important, they appeared to be attractive.

Of course, it's really just another sickening example of Blonde Bias in the mainstream media. The name "Barbie Bandits" only highlights the tow-haired chick, and the majority of the articles written make big hay of the duo's laughter - even though, from the pictures I've seen, only the blonde is truly having more fun. Brunettes have rights too, dammit.

Anyway, my brother went on-and-on last night about how hot they were, and how they would get all kinds of offers from outlets both reputable and disreputable once they served their slap-on-the-wrist sentence. I warned, however: A blurry black-and-white photo does not attractive make. He shouldn't make up his mind until he saw clearer mugshots.

And once again, big brother is right.

Meet Ashley Nichole Miller, Heather Lyn Johnston and some innocent upstanding citizen obviously caught up in these sirens' evil plans. I look at those mugshots and I think one thing: Why the hell can't anybody spell "Nicole" and "Lynn" correctly anymore? Oh, and how it looks like the first one was hit in the face with a pan, and that the blonde probably has teeth like Richard Kiel underneath that mouth.

We apparently still have yet to see our real-life Sugar and Spice, something I will continue to hope for.


Riley said...

I heart SUGAR AND SPICE. That was a damn fine movie.

Dennis said...

I think the middle one is kinda hot.