Thursday, May 03, 2007

Live free or die tard




It's Friday, and as of this afternoon, there are exactly 13 days left in my teaching career. Have you ever been around a bunch of 5th graders, by the way, who know they only have 13 days left of elementary school? As excited and unfocused as they are, I think I got 'em beat. Plus, tomorrow is Derby Day, and I'm taking The Girl for her first time. Life is sweet. Or at least it will be once I shoehorn these kids onto their buses.

  • In the latest issue of Vanity Fair, Bruce Willis reveals 20th Century Fox is considering cutting Live Free or Die Hard so it receives a PG-13 rating. Ok, Fox - let's go through this slowly. I took it pretty well when you hired the director of fucking Underworld to helm this sequel to my favorite film. I did my best not to flinch when John McClane's new partner was revealed to be the fucking Mac guy (who I liked in Accepted, but still.) Even though my eyes started bleeding, I didn't even comment on that absurd fucking Kevin Smith cameo in the trailer. And dammit, I buried my negative feelings that the John McClane of the Live Free trailer looks just like any other generic fucking action hero, and bears little-to-no resemblance of the guy in the 1988 original. And let's not even mention that dumb fucking title. I did all that. I did all that, because it's Die Hard, and if anything is worth my patience and good thoughts, it's fucking Die Hard. Fuck you, though, if you fuck with the fucking R-rating, which should be a fucking given because it's a fucking Die Hard movie! The fucking trailer already reveals that McClane does indeed say "Yippie-ki-yay." If he ends that fucking sentence with anything other than "motherfucker," I can fucking promise you the audiences will be pissed, and word-of-mouth will be terrible. Fucking pissed, and fucking terrible.

  • In searching for a Justin Long link just now, I found something even better - the Japanese Mac guy. The Girl will be so proud.

  • Potential Republican presidential candidate Fred Thompson - who may get my vote simply because he was in a Die Hard movie (sorry, a "fucking" Die Hard movie) - takes on the myth of "free" Cuban health care, a topic sure to be revisited when Michael Moore's health care-focused "documentary" is released later this year.

  • One of my all-time favorite movie posters is now available on eBay (the movie is average, yes, but I just love that poster.) I mean, if you're looking for a Christmas present ...

3 comments:

DAve said...

I'm still trying to score a Rasheed Wallace Atlanta Hawks jersey.

Doug said...

I accidentally read the last sentence of your first bullet point as " . . . audiences will be fucking piss-in-the-mouth terrible."

Hi, my name is Doug, and I'm dyslexic. Fortunately there is hope -- my mother has just joined a group called Mothers Against Dyslexia (DAM).

cjKennedy said...

If fucking Die Hard is fucking PG13 I won't fucking go. It's that fucking simple. The only reason to make your action movie PG13 is because it sucks and you need to draw from as large of an audience pool as possible so you can fool enough people into seeing your crappy movie. It's called Die Hard not Snuggle Softly. Am I wrong?