Monday, August 20, 2007

The stuff

Here's some stuff rattlin' around - and I don't say that lightly, as the poster for the 1985 horror flick The Stuff gave me serious nightmares in the mid-'80s. Never turn your back on stuff. Make a note.

  • Mental midgets. If only there had been actual midgets. That would have been cooler. Seriously, though, I'm tired of crap like this passing for a "statement," or even worse, for "art." (And please hold your pretentious "art is what you make it" arguments. I ain't buyin'.). I went to Atlanta's High Museum over the weekend - seriously, it was like culture 'n shit - and one entire gallery showed nothing but three pieces of solid color fabric cut out like pie pieces. That was it. I wish I could remember how the artist tried to justify it, but it was probably something about the unbearable lightness of being, or some such pube vomit. I call horseshit. Literally - I actually said "This is horseshit" fairly loudly, which caused some old poofs to raise their eyebrows at me, and then ever-so-slightly nod their heads.

  • The worst show on television last season was "24." It wasn't even close, and I saw every episode of "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip." I know bad TV. The Kiefer Sutherland show always teetered on the edge of stupidity (as I've said before, the show should be called "16" and do away with at least eight shows of filler per year). This past year's installment should have been called "4," because after a good start, it was complete and utter crap. Horrible writing, bad acting, and storylines that went absolutely nowhere. So what have the filmmakers decided to do to get back on track? Janeane Garofalo has been added to the cast. Good lord, any second chance hosannas I might have awarded the show are gone with the wind. And for the record, I found her grandmother-of-emo schtick irritating far before she became a failed radio host.

  • I'm crushed after hearing DJ Shockley will miss the entire 2007 football season. After trudging through this Michael Vick stuff - remember, I loved Vick as a QB - Shockley was my one bright spot for the upcoming Falcons season. I didn't think he'd start, but knowing he could go in at any moment would have kept me continuously interested, even in light of a possible 4-12 season. And now that's gone. Of course, it's the Falcons and I'll still watch all 16, but I'm definitely bummed. In the end, actually, Shockley's injury might actually help the team. QB Joey Harrington needed to get the support of the fanbase, and with the former UGA quarterback out of the picture, getting it will be a lot easier. Assuming Harrington plays all 16, Atlanta will benefit from having a quarterback with more confidence.

  • And good lord, Harrington, it's time for a change. "Joey" is either the dumb guy on "Friends," a baby kangaroo, or that one guy in The Rat Pack you've never heard of - it ain't a rough and tough professional football player. Ever heard of Joey Montana? Joey Namath? Mean Joey Greene? Hell no, and for good reason. This is a fresh start, one you quite frankly lucked into - and you know it. Put your disappointing NFL past behind you, and introduce everyone to a guy only looking to the future - JOE HARRINGTON. God, that sounds so much better.


  • The Girl and I were watching a Falcons game last week, and she said, "Damn, I never realized it before, but that Harrington is one good looking man." Oh, alright - actually, she wasn't even there, and it was me that said "Damn, I never realized it before, but that Harrington is one good looking man." I admit it. But hey, I'll call 'em like I see 'em.




  • According to many voices I've heard over the past month, Superbad puts Citizen Kane to fucking shame. And maybe it's those enhanced expectations that led to me walking out of the theater uttering, "It was funny, but there hasn't been a movie since Wedding Crashers that would have benefited more from 30 minutes being left on the cutting room floor." I love me some Seth Rogen - all the way back to "Freaks & Geeks" - but that movie didn't need those cops at all. They had some good lines, yes, but they seemed to exist on a different parallel than the rest of the film. The kids' storyline was real world, but whenever Rogen and Bill Hader showed up, the movie shifted into Naked Gun IV territory. They provided some great lines, but should have been in a different feature altogether. But man, that first 45 minutes is some of the funniest mamajama I've seen in awhile (that's not called Knocked Up, of course.)

  • Another quick movie note: Finally saw The Simpsons Movie. Again, a few throwaway good lines, but I couldn't believe how dreadfully bored I was near the end - and it's only 86 minutes long!

  • I don't think there's ever been a faster realizing-something-exists-to-buying-it time lapse than when I saw this on Amazon earlier today. I get to watch Georgia beat Florida, then return home to find that in my mailbox. I may never be happier. Including when my kids are eventually born.

  • "How dare they arrest this woman?" asks Chicago immigration activist Javier Rodriguez. Seriously! How dare United States officials arrest a woman who illegally immigrated to Washington in 1997, was deported, returned illegally in 2000, only to take a job (using a fake Social Security number) at O'Hare International Airport? How dare they? I think our airports could use more undocumented criminals from other countries. I'm to the point that if a Presidential candidate promised to focus on illegal immigration and moving toward the Fair Tax, they could fellate a puppy on "60 Minutes" and still get my vote.

1 comment:

Doug said...

Joe[y] Harrington does look kind of like Colin Farrell. Not that I'd do Colin Farrell, either, I'm just saying.