Friday, October 05, 2007

Betcha Bottom Dollar: Week Five

It's Friday, and for the first time in what seems like eight months, I'm not kneedeep in end-of-the-week preparations for a UGA tailgate.

My beloved Bulldogs are visiting Tennessee tomorrow, and while I've made that trip a few times in the past, I'm holding down the fort for this one. While tomorrow might not feel right without a beer before 9 a.m., I'm actually looking forward to a Saturday morning sleep-in. It'll be the Dawgs on TV for me tomorrow, and that ain't all bad.

I might still have a beer before 9, though.

The picks:

Atlanta @ Tennessee (-8 1/2). One win down, eight wins to go - and then it's playoff time, baby. Sure, you think I'm seeing the Falcons season through Roddy White-tinted glasses, but one irrefutable fact keeps me believing Atlanta could play into the postseason: the NFC South sucks. With a win here and the almost guaranteed Bucs disaster in Indy, Atlanta will be only one game back in the division. By the way, though, this game is Lock City. The Titans ain't that good. PICK: Atlanta

Jacksonville (-2) @ Kansas City. Team Hung! I know I have one thing in common with all die-hard football fans: a love of Bravo's reality show "Top Chef." The third season just wrapped up Wednesday night, and The Girl and I actually cheered when the "technical" wizard Hung won it all. She probably liked him because he's Asian, and I probably liked him because he's a total asshole, but he really did want it - and probably deserve it - more than anybody else. Oh, and he beat that bitchy queen Dale. We didn't want Dale to win and have another Ilan on our hands, did we? Huh, HUH? You know what I'm talkin' 'bout. PICK: Kansas City

Arizona (-3) @ St. Louis. Gus Frerotte is a starting quarterback in the NFL. And "Friends" is a hit TV show, The Sixth Sense is raking it in at the box office, and Aaliyah has a promising career. I'm really dreading the whole Y2K thing, incidentally. PICK: Arizona

Cleveland @ New England (-17). Yeah, I just made an Aaliyah joke. The first one in five years, anywhere. It's that kind of service you get here at Martians Attacking Indianapolis. (The Patriots aren't going 16-0, and they're going to end up blowing a game like this one.) PICK: Cleveland

Carolina @ New Orleans (-3). So this Soulja Boy thing - it just goes to show that I have absolutely no idea what's going on in the world of music. The instrumental version played at last Saturday's UGA game, and while it was obvious the players knew what it was, I had no idea. And it turns out to be the number one song in the country. And not only that, but the kid who performs it lives in the same city I do. To make things worse, I now realize Georgia was hardly original in its playing of the song, and that other schools had been doing it for a couple of weeks. So while I appreciate hometown success as much as the next guy, I don't think anything has gone from "that is so cool" to "I am so freaking over this" so fast. Six days, my friends. Six days. PICK: New Orleans

NY Jets @ NY Giants (-3 1/2). I don't know the details. In fact, I only read the headline. Based on that information alone, however, I feel confident in saying he deserved it. PICK: NY Giants

Seattle @ Pittsburgh (-6). This is probably a matchup of the two most boring 3-1 teams in history. PICK: Pittsburgh

Detroit @ Washington (-3 1/2). In his first three games as a pro, Georgia Tech standout Calvin Johnson is the Lions' 4th leading receiver with 189 yards and two touchdowns. Of course, that's 118 yards more than he managed in three games against UGA. But then again, NFL backfields just don't match up well against the Dawgs. PICK: Detroit

Miami @ Houston (-6). After last week's Falcons/Texans game, I'm feeling a little better - a little - about that whole "letting Matt Schaub go" thing. I've been saying it for a while, but Joey Harrington might actually be pretty good. And it's definitely starting to look like the Byron Leftwich signing might have been wasted money. PICK: Houston

Tampa Bay @ Indianapolis (-10 1/2).
I'm praying the Colts expose the Bucs for the lucky sum'bitches they've been so far. Praying. PICK: Indianapolis

San Diego @ Denver (-1 1/2).
I'm far more interested in the other Colorado team this week. Since my Braves are playoff no-shows for the second year running, I've adopted the Rockies as "my team" (and I ain't regretting it). I was hoping for a Phillies-less and Cubs-less World Series, and it looks like I'm getting my wish. Now if someone could take care of the Yankees and especially the damn Red Sox, I'll be as happy as Al Gore when he's just making shit up. (I had Stanicek in my corner right up until the end). PICK: San Diego

Baltimore (-3) @ San Francisco. And the 49ers turn to Trent Dilfer at QB. Just go back and read the Gus Frerotte jokes. I'm too lazy to cut-and-paste. PICK: Baltimore

Chicago @ Green Bay (-3). Rah-rah, Brett Favre, rah-rah. This supposed Packer resurgence is all smoke and mirrors, I'm afraid. They have zero rushing attack, and the receiving deficiency is bound to show its ugly face sooner or later. Well, later actually, because the Bears didn't invest in smoke or mirrors this year. They're just balsa wood and off-brand glue. PICK: Green Bay

Dallas (-11) @ Buffalo. The possibility of a Dallas/New England Super Bowl is getting more real by the week, and it's horrifying. I mean, I'd clearly root for the Cowboys, but what kind of world do we live in where I'm cheering for Jerry Jones and Terrell Owens? Next thing you know, I'll be voting for Dennis Kucinich, buying Fergie CDs, and curtailing my profanity around strangers. I don't want to live in that world. PICK: Dallas

Last week: 8-6

Overall: 30-27-4
Fake wagering total ($100 on every game, 10% juice on losses): up $30

1 comment:

Stanicek said...

My world turned upside down earlier this week when it was announced Gus Frerotte not only still had a JOB in the NFL, but now, a STARTING job. I guess I'm just still bitter because he TOTALLY tanked Heath Shuler's career...yeah, that's right...I was a Shulerholic and I ain't afraid to admit...but Heath goes and throws like 2 or 14 interceptions in his first few games and all the pansy Redskin fans start clamoring for this Frerotte kid. And now here we are, 13 years later and Heath Shuler's a congressman and Frerotte's starting for the guess...Heath wins! Yes! In your face Gus!

And as for the Gore thing - the judge wanted to ban it because it was "politically biased"...YOU THINK?! It's a documentary by Al Gore about global warming, next thing you know he'll try and ban chocolate cake because it "tends to be delicious".