Friday, November 30, 2007

Betcha Bottom Dollar: Week 13 - Episode Two

We just can't focus on the NFL this week here at M.A.I. headquarters. With the college football season wrapping up, there are obviously important decisions to be made. And all of them are based around one thing: where the hell the Georgia Bulldogs are playing their bowl game.

There are tickets to be procured, both game and plane. Hotel reservations to be made. Liquor stores to be robbed to pay for it. And, you know, Christmas 'n shit.

If only somebody would try to predict what is going to happen ...

The picks:

Atlanta @ St. Louis (-3 1/2). So my loving, supportive girlfriend has joined the bandwagon of beating me down for my Falcons allegiance. Fine, whatever. But know this: St. Louis is lining up Gus Frerotte behind center this week, so - hey! Oh, fine, turn away. Pretend not to care. But know, this: PICK: Atlanta

Buffalo @ Washington (-6). So will the Redskins come out like Brett Favre after his father died, and lay down a 34-point victory in memory of Sean Taylor? Or will they come out like San Francisco coach Bill Nolan did after his father died this year, and get slammed to the tune of 24-0? I smell more 49er than Favre in the Redskin Stew this year. PICK: Buffalo

Detroit @ Minnesota (-4). Well, this article has already won the contest for Best Lead of 2007. Thousands of Sudanese, many armed with clubs and knives, rallied Friday in a central square and demanded the execution of a British teacher convicted of insulting Islam for allowing her students to name a teddy bear "Muhammad." Boy, I sure do love the peaceful, serene religion of Islam! PICK: Minnesota

Houston @ Tennessee (-4). I have just named every one of my pubic hairs Muhammad. PICK: Tennessee

Jacksonville @ Indianapolis (-7). PICK: Indianapolis

NY Jets @ Miami (-1). Yes, you read that right. The NY Jets are actually dogs to the winless Dolphins. And as much as I love to see that surely embarrassing fact, I think it will only serve to gear up New York for an impending beatdown. PICK: NY Jets

San Diego (-6 1/2) @ Kansas City. PICK: San Diego

Seattle @ Philadelphia (-3). PICK: Philadelphia

San Francisco @ Carolina (-3). If the Panthers lose here, they could be tied with the Falcons for worst in the NFC South. That's how bad their season has been. Tied with the Falcons. Yowza. PICK: San Francisco

Cleveland (-1) @ Arizona.
PICK: Cleveland

Denver (-3 1/2) @ Oakland. PICK: Denver

Tampa Bay @ New Orleans (-3 1/2). The NFC South could be decided in large part here. Between a truly bad 7-4 Bucs team, and a 5-6 Saints squad. Man, the Falcons sure picked a winner of a year to suck. PICK: New Orleans

NY Giants (-2) @ Chicago. For all the hype and discussion about the Eli Manning/Philip Rivers draft day trade, the result has been a little anti-climactic. It's like arguing over which movie to see when the only choices are Chairman of the Board and From Justin to Kelly. PICK: Chicago

A visual aid in case you weren't familiar with the film I mentioned. Bless you if you aren't.

Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh (-7). Speaking of Kelly Clarkson, you are now reading the words of the oldest male in the audience at her Tuesday night concert. The tickets were birthday presents for The Girl. And yet she still hasn't watched Die Hard with me after a year-and-a-half. PICK: Cincinnati

New England (-21) @ Baltimore. I love the Patriots pick here. Love it. They are humiliated by almost losing, and Randy Moss is insanely pissed at seeing Terrell Owens break the TDs-in-straight-games-for-a-WR record last night. The Ravens are 'bout to get punked. PICK: New England

Thursday night: 0-1
Last week: 5-9-2

Overall: 86-79-9
Fake wagering total ($100 on every game, 10% juice on losses): down $90


Doug said...

Just got done having brunch with Arthur Blank. He told me to tell you please, for the love of God, stop picking the Falcons. Oh, and thanks for shopping at Home Depot.

the girl said...

So I heard that for Christmas, the Falcons decided to give the Rams their first home win. Sooo sweet!