Friday, December 07, 2007

Betcha Bottom Dollar: Week 14

The well is dry, my friends. Since I bragged about my intelligence streak a few weeks ago, it's been turd bomb after turd bomb ever since. And it culminated in my worst outing ever last week: 4-12.

So the picks are below, but you might want to go opposite and buy yourself a new yacht on Monday. I'm even too depressed to create many hearty bonmots. And I love hearty bonmots.

The picks:

Chicago @ Washington (-3). Yes, this game was last night - but I got the damn thing wrong anyway, so it doesn't matter. I hate myself. PICK: Chicago

Carolina @ Jacksonville (-10 1/2). PICK: Carolina

Dallas (-10 1/2) @ Detroit. PICK: Dallas

Oakland @ Green Bay (-10 1/2). With Brandon Jacobs hurting and Rudi Johnson and Reggie Bush sucking, Packer RB Ryan Grant has turned into an every week starter on my fantasy team. No, things don't look great for the playoffs. PICK: Green Bay

San Diego @ Tennessee (PICK). PICK: San Diego

NY Giants @ Philadelphia (-3). I make my fair share of dipshit prognostications, but I'm damn certain I would make a fantastic quarterback scout. Over the past decade, I've loved Peyton Manning and hated Ryan Leaf coming out of college. I've derided the overzealous interest in Eli Manning, wondering aloud why Ben Roethlisberger wasn't the first quarterback taken that year. I've been a supporter of drafting Carson Palmer with the first pick, but dramatically feigned madness at the same selection being spent on David Carr and Alex Smith. And I was the only voice telling the Dallas Cowboys not to take Quincy Carter - well, one of a few hundred thousand at least. (For the record, I did love the Falcons taking Michael Vick - and it looked good for awhile). My point, of course, is this: I rule. My other point: I get to pat myself on the back every time Eli does something stupid, like throwing a pick-6. The sad part is that I've just about ruined my right shoulder this year by doing so much damn patting. PICK: NY Giants

Tampa Bay (-3) @ Houston. Yes, I go from hating myself to telling you all that "I rule" in the span of five picks. Split personality, maybe. Indecisive, probably. Sexy as all get out, definitely. PICK: Tampa Bay

Miami @ Buffalo (-7). PICK: Miami

St. Louis @ Cincinnati (-6 1/2). PICK: St. Louis

Minnesota (-8 1/2) @ San Francisco.
Going to see one of two movies this weekend: No Country for Old Men or the IMAX version of Beowulf. If you can make a case for either one, please do so in the comments section. PICK: Minnesota

Arizona @ Seattle (-7). PICK: Arizona

Pittsburgh @ New England (-10 1/2). The popular pick. After struggling - but winning - the last two weeks, the Patriots have the entire country believing the Steelers will not only cover, but they could very possibly win. Of course, this should be the reddest of blood-red flags telling you to bet New England huge, but I'm a stupid fucking idiot. PICK: Pittsburgh

Cleveland (-3) @ NY Jets. A late add-in: I'm glad John Kerry has so many important things to worry about. PICK: NY Jets

Kansas City @ Denver (-6 1/2). PICK: Kansas City

Indianapolis (-9) @ Baltimore. The Ravens are deflated after the Patriots loss, and playing a slightly shorter week than the Colts. And the players really don't get too caught up in the "the Colts used to be here!" thing. The Raven year is lost, the Colts roll. PICK: Indianapolis

New Orleans (-4 1/2) @ Atlanta. The Falcons will choose this week to turn their season around and make a playoff ru ... oh, fuck it. PICK: New Orleans

Last week: 4-12
Overall: 90-90-9
Fake wagering total ($100 on every game, 10% juice on losses): down $900


Doug said...

Can't vouch for the "No Country" movie just yet, but the book was pretty amazing. Depressing, though.

Josh said...

I did read the book, and would agree. Of course, I also read "Beowulf" in college - but I hesitate to believe the movie is all that faithful.

JKF said...

Beowulf!! Beowulf!! it is awesome, and the few liberties they take with the story are really not that big of a deal and actually make for a better movie. I saw it twice in 3D and it was an experience.