Friday, December 14, 2007

Betcha Bottom Dollar: Week 15

The Christmas party circuit starts this weekend, which is good since I need a distraction - yes, the Falcons are officially eliminated from playoff contention. They made it exciting right up until the end, though. Right?

Oh, suck it.

The picks:

Cincinnati (-9) @ San Francisco. I don't think many people realize the 49ers aren't going to benefit from a high draft pick in '08 - because they traded it away to the Patriots. So yes, the Patriots get their draft pick - likely the 32nd - taken away because of the spying stuff, but they will still end up with a top three selection. So go 49ers, but whatever, you suck and I hate you for making such a stupid deal. PICK: Cincinnati

Arizona @ New Orleans (-4). So I'm putting my monumental disdain for New Orleans aside for a few weeks. Hell, I even took down my framed posters from the heralded "Funniest Katrina Moments" collection. It's Sugar Bowl time, baby. We're headed down there for the New Year holiday, and I'm actually looking forward to the wafting odors of rotting fish and bum piss. Rose Bowl, Schmose Bowl. Bring it on, Hawaii. PICK: New Orleans

Atlanta @ Tampa Bay (-14). And we're now living in a land where the Falcons are FOURTEEN-point dogs to the worst division leader in the NFL. Ok, call me crazy here - and lord knows you have where the Falcons are involved - but I can see them coming out inspired this week. Almost to a man, the players hated Bobby Petrino. Right now, the Falcons locker room is a happier place than Buford Highway on Free Sombrero Day (Atlanta joke, sorry). So why not come out and prove you can play better without him than you did with him? Not by winning the game, of course, because that would be insane. But by covering the spread. If you can't get up for that, what else do you have to live for? PICK: Atlanta

Baltimore (-4) @ Miami. The quest for perfection continues for the Dolphins. Perfect, unblemished turd suckage. PICK: Baltimore

Buffalo @ Cleveland (-6). A week 15 game between Buffalo and Cleveland - that has playoff implications. Big ones, in fact. Hold me, I'm frightened of this new world we're living in. PICK: Buffalo

Green Bay (-9) @ St. Louis. I keep waiting for the Packers to get exposed. I keep hoping they won't be. PICK: Green Bay

Jacksonville @ Pittsburgh (-3 1/2). PICK: Pittsburgh

NY Jets @ New England (-23). New England minus 23? Take 'em. New England minus 33? Take 'em. New England minus 43? Have to think about th - take 'em. Remember, it was the Jets who ratted Bill Belichick out for videotaping games. And from what I've read about Belichick over the years, he doesn't exactly seem like the forgive-and-forget type. PICK: New England

Seattle (-8) @ Carolina. Watching the Texans game last night, the announcers kept reminding me that Mario Williams has the second-most sacks in the NFL. Over and over and over. And hey, that doesn't bother me - I'm perversely happy Williams has turned out to potentially be a better draft pick than Reggie Bush. No, what upset me was the itchy reminder of who was first in sacks: former Falcon Patrick Kerney. Another solid 2007 move for the Atlanta franchise. PICK: Seattle

Tennessee (-4) @ Kansas City.
PICK: Kansas City

Indianapolis (-11) @ Oakland. Oh, by the way, if you haven't noticed, I have really started to suck at this "picking games" thing. Write it down and file it away for 2008: go with me the first half of the season, then go against me the second half. By Week 12, you'll be able to afford that double-wide you've had your eye on all these years. PICK: Indianapolis

Detroit @ San Diego (-11). PICK: Detroit

Philadelphia @ Dallas (-11). Last week, I told you, my faithful legion, that I was trying to decide between seeing No Country For Old Men or Beowulf at a 3-D IMAX theater. Well, The Girl wanted to go shopping, so we picked a mall that just so happened to have a 3-D IMAX theater - so Beowulf was the choice. Gotta admit, I have no idea how the movie would play in a regular ol' showing, but I quite enjoyed it. One criticism, though: it did lose a considerable amount of steam when, uh, a particular character disappeared from the film. (Spoiler avoided for those who didn't take a literature class in college). PICK: Philadelphia

Washington @ NY Giants (-5). PICK: NY Giants

Chicago @ Minnesota (-10). PICK: Minnesota

Last week: 6-10
Overall: 96-100-9
Fake wagering total ($100 on every game, 10% juice on losses): down $1,400

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