Saturday, April 28, 2007
Remember when movies had interesting titles?
This week at the multiplex we have:
I'm a movie fan, and even I'm having a hard time remembering what the hell these are. It almost makes me want to go see Kickin' It Old Skool - at least I know what I'm getting there.
Friday, April 27, 2007
I have more songs on my iPod sung by Kelly Clarkson than by Paul McCartney. During four years in indie music mecca Athens, and with a free ticket to damn near any concert thanks to entertainment journalism, my fondest musical memory is seeing '80s cover bands. I've experienced Hootie and the Blowfish in concert at least 10 times, no exaggeration.
And, perhaps most controversial of all, I think Van Halen was best when fronted by Sammy Hagar.
If you have any absurd confessions of your own, or perhaps scolding insults directed at me, please use the comments section to your heart's content.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Jim Thorpe, NFL President (1920-1921)
The football fan's obsession with college recruiting has always escaped me.
My Georgia Bulldogs are sacrosanct, and I attend damn near every game - but the players don't interest me until they suit up for Game 1. We signed a stud running back? Cool. We got some heralded QB? Nice. Please, though: stop forwarding me video edited by their high school coaches, telling me how many yards they ran for at Berkmar Middle, or thinking I'm interested in some website's analysis of their 40 speed.
I have enough trouble keeping track of college and pro players, and haven't paid attention to the Friday night lights for over a decade. Heck, the next high school game I watch will probably be my future son's first. Until they're wearing their respective college colors, I really don't care to know about the players.
The NFL draft, though: it's the second verse, but it ain't the same as the first.
I personally witnessed Calvin Johnson go 0-for-4 against the Dawgs (remember, only 71 yards in three years against UGA.) I've seen JaMarcus Russell's stuff up close. I've been in the building when LaRon Landry, Patrick Willis, Robert Meacham, Reggie Nelson, Jarvis Moss, Justin Harrell, Chris Houston, Dwayne Bowe, Arron Sears and Ben Grubbs have taken the field - and those are names projected by many to be called during the first round alone.
I know these guys.
The draft kicks off on Saturday at noon. Many things will change between now and then, which makes this - and all other mock drafts - fairly pointless. Last year, for instance, there was an absurd amount of draft day movement, and I only hit five out of 32 predictions on the head. So please, don't take these picks with you to the bookie.
And I'm sure, also like last year, it is filled with brilliant predictions like how the Texans would "bow to fan pressure and take (Reggie) Bush" and that the Titans would "go with Leinart over Young." But hey, I did say it would "make sense" for the Falcons to take D.J. Shockley with a late pick, proving that even a blind squirrel gets a nut sometimes.
Joseph Carr, NFL President (1921-1939)
1) Oakland Raiders - JaMarcus Russell, QB, LSU. The year: 2006. The place: Oakland's draft room. The stupidity: Legion. "Well, we have the 8th pick in the draft. Seventy-year-old Aaron Brooks is our quarterback, and Matt Leinart and Jay Cutler are still on the board. So we'll select - strong safety Michael Huff!" So now it would appear, short of a trade for Trent Green or (seriously?) Josh McCown, Oakland has to address its quarterback needs this year. Don't you think, though, the Raiders are stewing about the possibility they could have had Leinart throwing to Calvin Johnson for the next decade?
2) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (via trade with Detroit) - Calvin Johnson, WR, Georgia Tech. Detroit owns this pick, but let's not kid ourselves - they probably ain't gonna keep it. Johnson will likely be the selection here; it's just a matter of who will be making it. Tampa is my guess, as coach Jon Gruden is said to be breaking at least four deadly sins in his pursuit of the NWR (Nerd Wide Receiver). Atlanta, in particular, is playing this one very cool - they've put out whispers and feelers about grabbing this spot, but I don't believe they have any intention to. They just want to make their division rival (Tampa) give up too much for too little. That's right - too little. I mean, this guy is heralded as a well-mannered, more-talented version of Terrell Owens, but remember, this is Mr. "71 Yards In Three Years Against UGA" (I love that stat.) Blame those numbers on Tech QB Reggie Ball all you want, but who exactly will be throwing to him in Tampa? Chris Simms? A mummified Jeff Garcia? Congratulations are in order, though, to Johnson for jumping from my least favorite college team directly to my least favorite pro one. I hope he shatters both legs in the preseason.
3) Cleveland Browns - Brady Quinn, QB, Notre Dame. And with the third pick in the 2007 NFL draft, the Cleveland Browns select - Ryan Leaf! Wait, too harsh? Then how about Heath Shuler? Jim Druckenmiller? Todd Marinovich? Dan McGwire? Or, perhaps most apropos, the Fighting Irish's own Rick Mirer (the second pick of 1993's draft)?
Carl Storck, NFL President (1939-1941)
4) Detroit Lions (via trade with Tampa Bay) - Gaines Adams, DE, Clemson. And now Detroit gets the player they wanted all along, with a couple additional picks down the line thanks to Tampa Bay. Of course, since this scenario actually makes sense, one can bet GM Matt Millen will instead stay at #2 and draft a long-snapper.
5) Arizona Cardinals - Joe Thomas, OT, Wisconsin. You won't catch me feeling sorry for Arizona QB Matt Leinart, but that boy had some bad timing. He would have been the clear #1 pick in 2005, and he would likely be the #1 pick this year - and he would have stayed in California each time. In the year he made himself eligible, though, he slipped to 10 and was banished to the desert. To make up a little for that, the Cards will put Thomas's big body in front of him for the next half-decade or so. Of course, Arizona could have resigned Leonard Davis and gotten back-of-the-future Adrian Peterson, but let's not quibble. I'm sure Edgerrin James will be good for another six-touchdown season.
6) Washington Redskins - Amobe Okoye, DT, Louisville. Here's where I'll be grasping my beer mug tight. See, I want the Falcons to get LaRon Landry at pick #8. No trading up, and no getting Landry snatched just in front of you. Stay at #8, get the safety, Josh is happy. The Redskins are in dire straits, though, and any amount of things can happen here. See, Washington wants to go up and down - owner/asshat extraordinaire Dan Snyder wants Calvin Johnson, but also wants another pick before the fifth round (which he doesn't currently have.) There's also rumblings, though, they could stay here and take, you guessed it, Landry. Best case scenario is Washington moves down, giving this spot to somebody interested in RB Adrian Peterson. Problem, though: potential RB-needy trading partners include Minnesota (picking in the very next slot), Houston (which doesn't have a second round pick to trade) and Buffalo (which is probably focusing a bit more on linebacker.) But maybe, just maybe, Washington realizes their most glaring weakness is defensive line and makes the right call.
Elmer Layden, NFL Commissioner (1941-1946)
7) Minnesota Vikings - Adrian Peterson, RB, Oklahoma. Ask yourself one question, Vikings fans: Is Chester Taylor a long-term answer in Minnesota? Well, there ya go. Don't pick Landry, don't pick Landry, don't pick Landry ...
8) Atlanta Falcons - LaRon Landry, S, LSU. The quickest way new coach Bobby Petrino can piss me off is if he turns into Steve Spurrier. What I mean is that he needs to avoid an overabundance of loyalty to his college players. 1) Don't release D.J. Shockley in favor of Louisville product Chris Redman - my own overabundance of loyalty aside, Shockley will definitely help you more in years to come. 3) Don't draft Michael Bush before the third round (at least). 3) And good God, don't trade up to get Okoye if you can grab Landry here. Landry is the next Ed Reed. Landry will anchor the Falcons' secondary and do it very well. Landry is a 4-year SEC starter who is ready to play yesterday. Landry fits so many more needs than Okoye, even with the departure of Patrick Kerney.
9) Miami Dolphins - Levi Brown, OT, Penn State. The Dolphins are another team likely on the move, especially if Brady Quinn falls past Cleveland. If I'm interested in a quarterback, though, I worry about the porous offensive line and take a look at Stanford's Trent Edwards or Michigan State's Drew Stanton in Round 2.
10) Houston Texans - Leon Hall, CB, Michigan. The Texans are desperate for a cornerback, and Hall is the top-rated one on most boards. I do hope, though, that Matt Schaub likes spending time getting sandwiched by large men and ending up on his back. Wait, did that sound gay?
11) San Francisco 49ers - Alan Branch, DT, Michigan. Can't think of a thing to say. Hey, stop celebrating.
Bert Bell, NFL Commissioner (1946-1959)
12) Buffalo Bills - Patrick Willis, ILB, Mississippi.
13) St. Louis Rams - Jamaal Anderson, DE, Arkansas.
14) Carolina Panthers - Greg Olsen, TE, Miami. We know all about those Miami tight ends, don't we? Remember, they's soljuhs! Soljuhs! And hey, if Olsen is anything like Kellen Winslow, maybe he'll play in a full game by 2012. Good for the Falcons, I guess.
15) Pittsburgh Steelers - Paul Posluszny, LB, Penn State. The name just screams "Pittsburgh Steelers." Other than that, I don't need to know a damn thing about the guy.
16) Green Bay Packers - Marshawn Lynch, RB, California. The departure of Ahman Green leaves a huge hole at running back (even though you could claim Green departed far earlier than that.) Of course, you might think Vernand Morency is the long-term answer, in which case you should take a tack hammer to the forehead. If I were running the Green Bay show, though, I'd do damn near anything to move up for Adrian Peterson.
Austin Gunsel, NFL Interim President (1959-1960)
17) Jacksonville Jaguars - Reggie Nelson, S, Florida. Oh, that's cute - the ex-Gator gets to stay in Florida.
18) Cincinnati Bengals - Adam Carriker, DE, Nebraska.
19) Tennessee Titans - Ted Ginn Jr., WR, Ohio State. "Young to Ginn." Get used to hearing that.
20) New York Giants - Lawrence Timmons, OLB, Florida State. Lawrence T.? It just fits.
Pete Rozelle, NFL Commissioner (1960-1989)
21) Denver Broncos - Jarvis Moss, DE/OLB, Florida. Free agency was dedicated to the offense, so Denver's focus on draft day will be Big D. And yes, it's freaking mind-boggling that there will be another top-flight player named Moss in the league.
22) Dallas Cowboys - Dwayne Bowe, WR, LSU. "Well I got news for you Dwayne, from up here it doesn't look like you're in charge of jack shit!" Oh, sorry - just gotta fit in a Die Hard reference wherever I can. Anyway, the 'Boys already have a heck of a receiver duo with Terry Glenn and Terrell Owens. It's just that, combined, they are 171 years old. Or as John McClane says, "Now I know what a TV dinner feels like." Alright, that doesn't make sense, but like I said, gotta fit it in wherever I can.
23) Kansas City Chiefs - Joe Staley, OT, Central Michigan. There's nobody in Die Hard named Joe, dammit.
Paul Tagliabue, NFL Commissioner (1989-2006)
24) New England Patriots - Darrelle Revis, CB, Pittsburgh. Nothing personal against Revis at all, but I hope all Patriots draft picks catch smallpox and die within the month. Seriously, though, nothing personal.
25) New York Jets - Aaron Ross, CB, Texas. Ross immediately fills a hole at corner, and gives the Jets another kick-return option alongside Justin Miller.
26) Philadelphia Eagles - Chris Houston, CB, Arkansas. Corner isn't a huge need for the Eagles, but Houston's talent may be too difficult to ignore. There, did that seem like a generic enough comment for you?
27) New Orleans Saints - Justin Harrell, DT, Tennessee. The Saints would want to eat a bullet if the draft shakes down like this. They want a cornerback, and have likely targeted the three guys that came off the board just before their selection. Translation: Don't be surprised if New Orleans trades up.
28) New England Patriots - Jon Beason, LB, Miami. Please refer to Pick #24.
Roger Goodell, NFL Commissioner (2006-present)
29) Baltimore Ravens - Ben Grubbs, G, Auburn. Point to be made in the following pick ...
30) San Diego Chargers - Robert Meachem, WR, Tennessee. Yet another SEC player potentially makes it in the first round. But no, you're right - the Big 10 is sooo much more talented. That looks like 11 out of the first 30 in this mock draft from God's country - perhaps Georgia's Charles Johnson can make it an even dozen.
31) Chicago Bears - Dwayne Jarrett, WR, USC. And Jarrett is officially lost into the Void of Grossmann.
32) Indianapolis Colts - Anthony Spencer, DE, Purdue. Talk all ya' want about pick #1, but this is really the choicest slot - because if you're here, chances are you're the reigning champ.
Things seem pretty bad in the world today, so let's shine a spotlight on two pieces of fantastic. Put together, they more than make up for the petty stuff listed above.
The Georgia Bulldogs baseball team may not be worldbeaters, but they won the only game that matters. Even though the AJC was pretty transparent in its disappointment, I must say:
Oh, and Number 2:
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Me: You didn't fill in your information correctly. What year were you born in again?
5th grade boy: 1953.
Me: 1953? Try again.
5th grade boy: 1953.
Me: Are you sure about that?
5th grade boy: Yes, I'm positive.
Me: Do the math.
5th grade boy (in all seriousness): I swear, Mr. Massey. I was born in 1953!
Me: In what state does matter change its shape without changing its volume?
Another 5th grade boy: California.
These are both relatively new students, by the way. I won't claim responsibility.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Ok, cool - because I was really getting tired of that color scheme.
The temporary changeover has led me to fiddle around with the colors, though. For the next day or so, you might pop in to find things a bit, well, off. It's just my inner-homosexual working out its interior decorating jones.
So, in other words ...
Friday, April 20, 2007
I gotta be honest - most of the videos I recall are movie-related. When I was 13, I was the freaking soundtrack king. My buddy Jeremy once asked why I had the Three Men and a Little Lady CD, and my only answer was a scoff. I mean, it was a soundtrack. What more did he want?
One of the better, and sadly, more forgotten soundtracks of the '80s was 1987's Less Than Zero. You had Aerosmith, Roy Orbison, LL Cool J (with "Going Back to Cali," no less), Public Enemy and Joan Jett. Oh right, not to mention Poison, Glen Danzig and Slayer. An eclectic, kick-ass bunch.
However, when most people remember the Less Than Zero album, it's not for any of those artists. No, the signature song from this film was definitely "Hazy Shade of Winter" from The Bangles. And like any good music video, it's peppered with clips of Andrew McCarthy. Again, kick-ass. Maybe next week's video will be Mannequin's "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now." That's not a bad idea, actually...
No, you're not on PCP -- this blog's color scheme has changed for the next few days so as to participate in the "Maroon and Orange Effect." The entire country has been invited to join this and pay tribute in a symbolic way to the kids at Virginia Tech, both those who were killed on Monday and those who survived and are soldiering on.
And no, if it had been Georgia Tech, this page would not be piss and white. If anything, the scheme would be more festive than usual.
(Wait, did I just ruin the good vibes?)
Just when Georgia Republicans make me think I'm out, they pull me back in.
1:29 p.m. edit: Yeah, never mind. Georgia Republicans are still spineless chunks of hot mess. Let my buddy Neal Boortz explain:
The Republican Speaker of the Georgia House of Representatives announced yesterday that in next year's session the Republicans would roll out a complete overhaul of Georgia's tax system. He's calling it the "FairTax."
It is not.
Glenn Richardson knows that the FairTax is wildly popular in Georgia and elsewhere. He has a tax reform proposal that resembles the FairTax only in the sense that it includes a sales tax ... then he gives it the FairTax name in a lame attempt to tie it to The FairTax Act currently being considered in the U.S. Congress.
- The Georgia legislation does not get rid of the state income tax. The FairTax gets rid of federal income taxes.
- The Georgia legislation calls for an exclusive sales tax. The FairTax establishes an inclusive sales tax.
- The Georgia legislation makes no provisions to exempt every citizen from the responsibility of paying taxes on the purchases of the basic necessities of life, as determined by the poverty level. The FairTax does.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Man, this has been one awful week. Just horrible.
I was giving my students a test yesterday, and I got a paper cut on my left thumb. Man, it stings. And not only that, I've been sniffly. Sniffly.
I wonder if anybody else is having as bad a week as I am.
Anyway, some random stuff:
- Last year, my Atlanta Braves traded infielder Wilson Betemit to the Los Angeles Dodgers for pitcher Danys Baez and infielder Willy Aybar - and man, that's looking like a turd of a deal. Baez is now a Baltimore Oriole, and Willy Aybar is apparently dead or something. Betemit isn't lighting any fires in Los Angeles, but at least he's there. (Late edit: Turns out Aybar isn't dead. He's just a drunk. Nice homework, Bravos.)
- Alcohol, though, is at least legal. It turns out this guy has been partaking of a substance a little more illicit. I guess that explains why he only went for 15 yards against UGA last year, for a total of 71 yards in three years. Repeat: 71 yards in three years. Of course, NFL corners won't be nearly as talented as Paul Oliver.
- Back in my movie reviewin' days, I took great pride in my annual Top 10 list, usually delivered (like most are) in early January. Of course, that was when I saw about 150 movies each year theatrically. Now that I'm averaging about 20, the majority of my movie-watching comes by way of Netflix - making a truly comprehensive Top 10 list impossible. Until May, that is. After I get a couple more films watched in the next couple of weeks (most notably, Letters From Iwo Jima and Little Children), the absolutely last top 10 list of 2006 will be in front of you. And the world will rejoice.
- As horrible as the Virginia Tech tragedy was, we can rest easy knowing there's one less piece-of-shit writer in the world.
- Three days after 31 students and professors are gunned down, "American Idol" is again the lead story on Drudge. That was far shorter than the month-plus it took us to get over 9/11, according to The Onion.
- Speaking of "Idol," by the way - because I too am way over VA Tech - I was sad to see Sanjaya go last night. Imagine my surprise, though, when he turned up an hour later on "Lost." (This joke will make no sense if you didn't see last night's "Lost.")
- Brady Quinn comes to terms with the truth.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Friday, April 13, 2007
At the time, Drivin' N' Cryin' was the biggest band in the world - as long as you describe the suburbs of Atlanta as "the world." Not only did I go to their concert, but said concert was at Six Flags Over Georgia, so I got to ride roller coasters for six hours beforehand. And not only did I go to their concert at Six Flags, they even filmed this video during the show - so my out-of-focus face in the far background got on MTV at least once. And not only did I go to the concert and sorta-not-really get in a music video, but I got a freakin' funnel cake.
Ninth grade was sweet.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
I don't know this guy, but I want to. If you've been following my Imus comments both here and over at Practically Harmless, you know this man and I see eye-to-eye. However, we do have one fairly significant difference - he's black, so his opinion counts (or so I've been told.)
By the way, please be aware - there's a lot of profanity within.
Her thoughts on the global warming "crisis" (second item) are exactly what I've tried to say, only with a tenth of the vocabulary and none of the finesse.
(The rest of the column is worth reading as well, of course.)
Update: Sorry, the Salon link isn't working nearly as well on my home computer (not that I ever blog from work.) You may have to see a short ad before the content - if you do, the global warming contents are on page 4 of her story.
We should know where this is heading.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
#3 - R. Kelly, "I'm A Flirt"
When it comes to ho's, I be pimpin' like I supposed to/
Rollin' like I supposed to/
Shinin' like I supposed to/
In the club, fuckin wit' honeys like I supposed to/
I don't understand it when a nigga bring his girlfriend to the club/
Freakin' all on the floor wit his girlfriend in the club/
And wonder why all these playas tryin' to holla at her/
Just soon as she go to the bathroom, nigga I'm gonna holla at her...
Now the moral of the story is cuff yo' bitch, cuz/
Hey, I'm black, handsome, I sing, plus I'm rich, and (I'm a flirt).
#4 - Mims, "This Is Why I'm Hot"
This is why I'm hot/
Catch me on the block/
Every other day/
Another bitch, another drop/
16 bars, 24 pop/
44 songs, nigga gimme what you got.
#6 - Lloyd, "You"
Right off the back, ma, tha boy got dollars/
So women come frequent like flight mileage.
#10 - Crime Mob, "Rock Yo Hips"
Look at them hips, I like how she rock it/
She bend that thing ova and to the ground/
She be dropping and popping hard as she can/
Got me hard in the pants/
Because she all in her stash/
Doing her motherfucking dance man/
Look, lil' buddy cute in the face/
She rock her hips to the bass/
She take a sip when she wave/
And wanna get wit Lil' J/
After she dance on that pole/
I pull my cash so quick and fast/
When that ass hit the floor.
#17 - Rich Boy, "Throw Some D's"
There's ho's in the parking lot/
But I still got my glock hot...
I never slip, I never fall/
A lot of ho's give me they numbers, but I never call/
A real O.G. look at V.I.P. and see a nigga ball/
Then after we hit the club, baby, then i'm gonna hit them draw/
I'm gonna break you off (and that's all).
#19 - Huey, "Pop, Lock & Drop It"
The club turn into Hooters, cause they shirts is so wet/
From the window to the wall, little mama showin' her thong/
The broad freakin' herself/
It's tellin' me that it's on.
Yes, that's just from this week's Top 20. That's what our kids - all the way down to elementary school - are listening to. This is what our young women are basing their self-image on. This is how our young men are learning what it takes to be a "man."
And yet Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and a myriad of other media whores are up-in-arms about what one moth-eaten 66-year-old white guy spouted off - a talking head, by the way, who has zero pull with, and minimal exposure to, the young black community.
Sure, what Don Imus said was dumb and classless. And if you're one of those spine-made-of-glass types, maybe it was "deeply offensive." However, without the media firestorm, it would not have made one iota of difference with the youth of today - while those lyrics cut-and-pasted above are a true cancer, and continue to pour out month-after-month.
Some people need to reorganize their priorities.
Monday, April 09, 2007
The Atlanta Falcons have signed perennially underwhelming QB Joey Harrington to a two-year contract. He will now battle former Georgia Bulldog DJ Shockley and veteran Chris Redman for the second-string position behind starter Michael Vick - and either Shockley or Redman will certainly be cut at the end of preseason.
If coach Bobby Petrino wants to get off on a wretched, couldn't-be-worse start with his new fanbase, he will send Shockley packing.
Remember that old 2002 quarterback debate, by the way? You know, the constant arguments over who would be the better NFL signal-caller, David Carr (taken first overall) or Harrington (taken third)? Yeah, that worked out.
Monday, April 02, 2007
As many of you know, I'm leaving the teaching profession at the end of this school year. Some have said, "Oh, you're really gonna miss the kids." Well, maybe - but it won't compare to how much I'm going to miss having spring break.
So to celebrate my last one, I'm off to St. Augustine with The Girl. There's a house right on the beach with our names on it. (Or, more specifically, the names of my aunt and uncle, who are providing it free o' charge.)
Be back Friday.