Wednesday, May 07, 2008

10 things I think I think (with apologies to Peter King and his enormous coffee-swilling melon)

1) I'm just not that excited to see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Too much CG, too much looking like it was filmed on a set, too much George Lucas. And this is coming from a guy who checked out of school to see Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade on opening day in 1989. But, hey, of course I'll find my butt in the seat before June rolls around.

2) The Georgia Bulldogs need to break out the black uniforms once, and only once, this season: October 11th against Tennessee. (Oh, and no Soulja Boy. None. Not once. Negatory, yo.)

3) I have a new favorite shirt, courtesy of The Fiancee's visit to the University of North Texas (college home to her brother). It's perfectly innocuous, except to people with filthy minds like me and my future wife.



Apparently the college's radio station ran into a bit of trouble, as all call letters west of the Mississippi begin with K. You'll find them under the jumbled moniker "KNUT" instead of the more logical choice.

4) Writer Michael McCullers turned in a cute, funny script for Baby Mama, but that didn't mean he had to direct it as well. The bad lighting may have been the fault of my theater, but Regal certainly had nothing to do with the poor framing, overabundance of awkward close-ups, and odd editing that seemed to blunt more than a few jokes. His failings behind the camera aside, however, the movie succeeded because of its two leads (Tina Fey and Amy Poehler), who I will see in anything. Only Poehler could deliver a line like "It feels like I'm shitting a knife!" with the joie de vivre on display here.

5) That was only the fourth movie The Fiancee and I have seen together in almost a year. Michael Clayton. American Gangster. Enchanted. Baby Mama. Seeing the theme? Me neither.

6) It's a couple weeks old, but nevertheless, seeing history up close is kinda cool. Mr. John Smoltz's 3000th strikeout:



7) And speaking of baseball, I'm of the firm belief nobody under the age of 15 likes the sport. You see kids at the games, every ballpark is so damn toddler-friendly, but not a single damn one of those little brats is actually watching the game. And half of them are asleep by the 3rd inning. So while I see the rare need for a baseball-themed toy, is there really a child - especially in Atlanta - yearning for what I recently found in a Toys R Us aisle? Behold, the Kevin Youkilis figure:



"With mighty .280 hitting action! Power swing to a career-best 16 home runs in a season! Includes lightning-fast five-base-stealing moves!"

8) In Atlanta, every Hispanic woman between the ages of 17 and 40 is pregnant. I swear.

9) I wanted to pull this guy over and ask him to work the door for my 75th birthday - tomorrow. Or ask him if he protects the children, because we should teach them well and let them lead the way. Or ask him what he says when he has to go back to work. Or ask him if he tells women at bars that he's a Timecop.



10) "Um, yeah, so remember that whole warming thing we talked about, this irreversible thing that we nevertheless have to fight? And how our infalliable models presented a future of rapidly rising temperatures that would eventually kill us all? Ok, I mean, it's all still true, it's just that, you know, it's sort of pausing, I guess you could say. It's all reversing itself for 10 years, cooling down, but then - oh man, you wait for it - it's gonna get all hot up in here again! Yeah, I know those models we love to fall back on didn't see this coming, but they were, you know, wrong in only this one little aspect. Every thing else they said is dead on, I swear, and we shouldn't stop pouring money into global warm - I mean, climate change, because the rising temperatures will wipe us out! Yeah, starting in 10 years. Unless we tell you different."

7 comments:

BobbyH said...

Nice cropping out of the lightning scar. pfft

Josh said...

I didn't even notice. I just picked that photo because I looked sorta skinny.

BobbyH said...

Uh huh. I do remember Boortz talking about those call letters a few months ago. Pretty funny.

Doug said...

Those radio people at North Texas are wusses. Apparently, though, some station out in Hawaii had the guts to go with the right call letters.

jerry glanville said...

"into global warm - I mean, climate change"

Need to get that fixed.
No redos in life my man.

One and you go.

That's why the Red Gun was such an success.

Prime Time! Prime Time!

Yours,

Jer

Bobby Hebert said...

"I just picked that photo because I looked sorta skinny"

Sorta?

Not in my neck of the woods sonny!


Hit the track!

Josh said...

This from Stanley, a paragon of masculinity. If the scale told me you weighed 100, I'd punch it in the damn neck for being a liar. Hit the gym.