Wednesday, June 18, 2008

The tears of unfathomable sadness



"Yes! Yesss! Oh, let me taste your tears, Scott! Mmm, your tears are so yummy and sweet! Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness! Mm-yummy! Mm-yummy, you guys!"

Reading this made me feel a little bit like Eric Cartman.

Ok, a lot bit. Delicious.

Hat tip: Westerdawg.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Best Dawg-related news of the week

Oh no, this week's best Georgia Bulldogs news has nothing to do with the baseball team's amazing (so far) run in the College World Series. That in itself is fantastic, and mine eyes hath been glued to the tube thus far.

Alas, there is more exciting news, and this is an item I have yet to see reported elsewhere. But it comes straight from Coach Mark Richt's lips, to the ears of a super-secret spy who doesn't want to be identified here (I will call her it "Oreo Balls." Those in the UGA blogosphere can follow the trail.)

The announcement: Soulja Boy will NOT be heard at any Georgia Bulldog game in the 2008 season.

Oh, praise be to all that is holy. While I certainly appreciated "Crank That (Soulja Boy)" on first listen, I soon learned UGA wasn't the first to use the song in a similar fashion, and it rapidly became, in the parlance of the young, played. Lightning strikes once, and all that.

Well, apparently Richt has been advised of the actual lyrics in the offseason, and has ordered that it not be heard in Sanford Stadium in the foreseeable future. Now, thankfully, blackouts will be the only overdone remnant of the 2007 season.

And no, I will never reveal my source. The person in question, who actually heard Richt make this announcement first-hand, has expressly forbid me to reveal their identity. So I won't.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Tired of purple

I hate the Lakers. They're up 24 on the Celtics, I turn on Jumper, and by the time the movie shows the exact same special effect for the 350th time (about 45 minutes, give or take), they lose the damn game.

And now I can't remember what color the blog originally was.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Just because I want to



You have to admit - it's a pretty good deal.

Oh, and by the way, I don't mean to make too much fun. Because he later would hone his comic genius on the dance floor - and "genius" might not even be an overstatement. Try to watch this clip without laughing:

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Retahd



As a tempestuous loather of all things Boston athletics, I'd like to take this moment to send a rah-rah the way of the Los Angeles Lakers. As you can plainly see, the blog's color scheme will temporarily reflect my passion - which isn't necessarily the Lakers, or basketball. I just want to see Boston lose, and lose bad.

On January 1st, I braced myself for a potentially horrific year. The Patriots were looking like destiny's Super Bowl champs, the Celtics had a monster offseason, and the Red Sox are always willing to buy a championship at all costs.

Could Boston sports teams sweep the major sports championships? Could I live through such a thing? Would I eventually have to murder Bill Simmons and his smug, self-involved, one-note assface?

No, thanks to the New York Giants. My New York Giants. My Eli Manning, who I never doubted for a millisecond.

Well, Kobe, like Eli, I've had your back all along. Send Boston fans home crying in their beer-ah for the second time in five months. It's almost worth them making the championship again to have them lose the championship again.

Of course, it goes without saying I hope this series doesn't extend to seven games. I hope the Celtics' plane crashes long before then.

10:56 p.m. update: I found some photos worth sharing.







Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Indiana Jones and the I Waited 19 Goddamn Years For That?



Well, that was a piece of shit.

(There. I put as much energy into writing that review than Steven Spielberg did directing, George Lucas did producing, or Harrison Ford did acting. Maybe even more.).

Monday, June 02, 2008

Expand your mind, man

I am suddenly an 80-year-old woman.



This is the result of my first physical since the year started with "19."

Left-to-right

  • Quinaretic - For blood pressure that, I'm pretty sure, made the nurse audibly gulp upon seeing the numbers.
  • Diovan HCT - Another blood pressure medication, because apparently only one wouldn't do the job.
  • Sulfamethoxazole - For treating bacterial infections. Oh right, remember my banged-up leg? Infected as hell, despite pouring hydrogen peroxide on it twice a day as instructed. Glad to see all that assorted burning and stinging served no purpose.
  • Rifampin - Another bacteria stopper. Although Drugs.com describes it as for "the treatment of all forms of tuberculosis and the treatment of some people who have meningitis without symptoms." And that's awesome.
  • Tricor - My favorite. For, as the doctor put it, a "savagely genetic cholesterol problem." Savagely genetic. I like that only because I can blame my parents instead of my well-balanced diet of fast food, caffeine and beer. I'll be taking this every day for the rest of my life, I'm told.
  • Hydrocodone - Well, this one I like. Fluffy rainbows!
So we're at a crossroads, my friends. The fast food is gone severely cut back, the gym membership starts as soon as I can walk without a limp, and a little less stress might be helpful. I gotta get married in one year and 11 days, at least get ample years to screw up my kids (assisted by savagely genetic cholesterol, of course), and definitely be around long enough to say "told you so" to all you global warming nutjobs. With love.

That said, the first one of you who raises an eyebrow and says "Should you really be eating that?" will get a fist in the neck.

Oh, and does anybody have one of those little S-M-T-W-T-F-S boxy things? I'm in the market.