Saturday, February 28, 2009

Multicultural learnings

A couple weeks ago, I watched a movie called Tokyo Gore Police because, well, it was called Tokyo Gore Police. Plus, my fiancee was born in Japan, and I thought this would be a neat way to gain insight into her culture.

Now I've been with her for almost three years, and I've met her Japanese mother multiple times. I've eaten more Asian food from 2006 on than I did in my first 30 years combined. But they've obviously been keeping a few things from me.

I didn't know they had these in Japan:

Or that this kind of stuff happened with alarming regularity:

Or that Japanese people could do this:

Those, by the way, were the three tamest images I could find from Tokyo Gore Police. Needless to say, it was fucking awesome.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Goddamn it

This was in my mailbox when I got home - just one day after I turned 33.

The morning after

From yesterday: What will make me happy? Rourke winning. An honestly moving moment for Ledger. A show under three hours long.

Gotta go with 0-for-3 on that one. Rourke lost, the show ended up dragged on after a great start, and Ledger's win wasn't the moment I hoped it would be. Having his family accept the award was a good idea, but, I don't know - I just wanted something more.

Oh, and Seth Rogen and James Franco should host next year. Them, of course, or Justin Timberlake - whose ESPY performance is still the best hosting job I've ever seen.

Sixteen out of 24 on the predictions. I've done better, I've done worse.

Sunday, February 22, 2009


Although the film is at least a year away, I've already written about Sylvester Stallone's The Expendables a couple of times.

And if Stallone keeps managing announcements like this, Martians Attacking Indianapolis might just become an all-Expendables-all-the-time blog. Because, quite honestly, I now think he's only filming this movie to make my head explode.

Dork night

It's stupid, and nobody cares (myself included), but force of habit and lack of willpower are making me do it anyway. As usual. Here are my predictions of tonight's Academy Award winners:

Picture: Slumdog Millionaire
Director: Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire
Actor: Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler
Actress: Kate Winslet, The Reader
Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight
Supporting Actress: Penelope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Animated Feature: Wall-E
Art Direction: The Dark Knight
Cinematography: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Costume Design: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Documentary: Man on Wire
Documentary short: The Conscience of Nhem En
Editing: Slumdog Millionaire
Foreign Language: Waltz With Bashir
Makeup: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Score: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Song: "Jai Ho," Slumdog Millionaire
Short Film (Animated): La Maison En Petits Cubes
Short Film (Live Action): Spielzeugland (Toyland)
Sound Editing: The Dark Knight
Sound Mixing: The Dark Knight
Visual Effects: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Original Screenplay: Milk
Adapted Screenplay: Slumdog Millionaire

What will make me happy? Rourke winning. An honestly moving moment for Ledger. A show under three hours long. But mostly, it will be a Best Picture win for The Reader. Not because I actually saw it, or even care to, but my $20 long-shot bet pays out $800 if Winslet's flick upsets.

C'mon Hollywood Jews, don't let me down! Vote Holocaust early and often!

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Five and a half feet of sheer awesome

Um, let it be said: Seagram's 7 whiskey and eBay don't necessarily mix.


Ok, fine, I wasn't drunk. Dammit.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

"I got two words for ya, Jake. Prom Queen. Material."

That's actor Eric Christian Olsen, playing a high school senior in 2001's Not Another Teen Movie. He was 24.

That's actor Eric Christian Olsen, playing a high school senior in 2002's The Hot Chick. He was 25.

That's actor Eric Christian Olsen, playing a high school senior in 2003's Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd. He was 26.

That's actor Eric Christian Olsen, playing a high school senior in Fired Up, which is being released on Friday. He's 31. Only 15 months younger than I am.

I could sit here and rail against the actor for still taking these parts, or slam the producers for hiring him. But, of course, that would be a mask for my true irritation - the fact that I don't have the guy's genetics.

Facebook has granted me the unfortunate ability to look at pictures from high school next to ones from last month, and suffice to say, I don't think I could pass as a high schooler anymore. So screw that guy for being able to (arguably). Screw him and his dreamy blue eyes.

(Oh, and check out Not Another Teen Movie. It's a lot funnier than it should be.)

2/19 update: That's actor Eric Christian Olsen, putting his goddamn arm around my sister. Yew keep yer dayum hands off her!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Yes we can - ruin Josh's October trip

Last week, in an Indiana speech, Barack Obama intimated that companies having conventions in Las Vegas was a wasteful business practice. He singled out the Nevada city, in fact, not naming another.

Vegas, already struggling after a down 2008, wasn't happy.

And now, neither am I. Check paragraph number five.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Quote of the day, from Thursday, which makes it from before those last two quotes of the day. Got it?

"I once claimed 'I am God' - during a deposition."
- Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin), confessing his sins to a priest on "30 Rock"
That may have flown past most viewers, but leave it to me, your handy tour guide, to translate any and all pop culture references to early '90s movies.

Oh, yeah - it's from Malice.

Friday, February 13, 2009

The monkey in the wrench

Hey, Roger Ebert!


Siskel, you're OK. Dead, but OK.

Quote of the day, Part II

"There is plenty to complain about for everyone, and perhaps that's the sign of a good compromise. Regardless of party, we all cast our votes with one hand and crossed our fingers with the other."
- U.S. Rep. Emanuel Carver, a Missouri Democrat

Your government at work, ladies and gentlemen! It's only $800 billion - just chuck it against the wall and see if it sticks! And, come on, you know there's no time to actually read the thing. Even if we promised there would be.

Because, you know, CHANGE!

Quote of the day

"The beauty of free markets is that firms learn from their mistakes or they lose money, shrink, and then go out of business. Governments, meanwhile, grow from their mistakes and learn to make money from them."

- Jonah Goldberg, in today's National Review

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Sunday blues

My fiancee is a first grade teacher, and was just told today she and her co-workers wouldn't be getting their annual scheduled raises - for the second year in a row. And this time, there's the added bonus of denying them a cost-of-living increase as well.

The money just ain't in the tax coffers. Instead of blaming the most obvious culprit - the fact that most of her school's families are illegal Mexican sponges who pay no taxes - let's look at the second most obvious.

Our wonderful Georgia politicians.

Here's a column I recently came across in The Red & Black, the UGA student newspaper I used to write for. It highlights one of many tax avenues our elected officials won't go down because of puritanical reasons.

Did you catch the part about Atlanta's restaurants not being able to serve alcohol on Sunday?

Yeah, that's the ONLY dated thing from this column - published on February 10, 1976. Twelve days before I was born.

Devil's playground

It's just an ad for the new Transformers movie, but the placement makes it seem is making an editorial comment.

Not many NFL fans would disagree these days, I guess.

Sunday, February 08, 2009

With arms wide open

In the late '60s, The Grass Roots went on The Jimmy Durante Show and played their hit song "Let's Live For Today." It wouldn't be the last time on TV for one of the band's members, however.

Take a look at the guitarist standing toward the back - his first close-up is about the 1:30 mark (but the one at 1:50 should seal it).

Can't figure it out? Here's a more recent picture.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Quote of the day, from a few days ago

Powerline's John Hinderaker:

"One good thing about electing a Democrat as President is that, as he nominates fellow Democrats to senior positions in the Executive Branch, millions of dollars in unpaid tax liabilities come to light and are belatedly paid to the IRS, with interest. It is, perhaps, the most tangible advantage of electing Democrats to office."

The fuckin' future is what we fuckin' make, fuckin'

By now, you might have heard the tape of Christian Bale losing his mind on the set of Terminator: Salvation. If not, beware: it would make George Carlin blush, so work might not be the best place for a listen.

There is a best place to listen to the following, however, and that's in da club. I'm convinced it could be a dance hit - just not on the radio because, again, extreme profanity. Extreme hilarious profanity. I wish I could claim credit, but it was probably created by a 14-year-old who's much smarter than I am.

H/T: Wells.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Objective news? Yes we can!

Self-promotion from the local NBC affiliate during the Super Bowl:

What does that even mean?