Friday, October 23, 2009

Aiding and A'Betting: Week Seven

Intros suck, ya know. Says the guy too lazy to write one.

The picks:

Indianapolis (-13) @ St. Louis. Tennessee Titans coach Jeff Fisher managed to create even more controversy when he wore a Peyton Manning jersey to a Nashville fundraiser. "I just wanted to feel like a winner," he said, which is pretty funny. But that wasn't his best quote. A day later, he answered the cries of angry Titans fans. "It was for a very, very worthwhile cause, charity," Fisher said. "I was introducing Tony (Dungy), just having fun with it and I really apologize if I offended anybody. But if you're offended over the nature of that type of thing, then I think you need to rethink things." Well done. The non-apology apology is an artform unto itself. PICK: Indianapolis

Green Bay (-6 1/2) @ Cleveland. PICK: Green Bay

Minnesota @ Pittsburgh (-5). Um, no, I meant this is the week the Vikings are revealed as frauds. Seriously. This week. PICK: Pittsburgh

New England (-14 1/2) vs. Tampa Bay. The Bucs are technically the home team here, but the game is being played in jolly ol' London, home to Shakespeare and sleeper cells. I'm not sure of the business arrangements here, but I do know Tampa Bay will obviously lose a home game - and if I'm a fan, I'd be pissed about that. Luckily, there aren't too many Bucs fans these days to care. PICK: New England

San Francisco @ Houston (-3). PICK: Houston

San Diego (-5) @ Kansas City. PICK: Kansas City

NY Jets (-6) @ Oakland. Due to Georgia's weak play and the Falcons' emergence, my interest in college football has probably never been lower. Love the tailgating in Athens, but I haven't set foot in a college stadium this year, and probably won't until Kentucky comes calling (and just because some friends are taking part in the pregame festivities). However, there's a possible storyline, that if it comes to pass, will make 2009 a season to truly celebrate. If I ranked the 120 Division I FBS teams in order from love-to-hate, #267 would be Georgia Tech - the same nerds that currently hold a 6-1 record. Well, their next four weeks present a kindergarten class-style batch of cupcakes, and they should be the 10-1 hosts of a down Georgia Bulldogs team in late November. I barely care about beating Florida (as long as we shatter Tim Tebow's legs - no, seriously). If we lose to Kentucky, Auburn and even Tennessee Tech, whatever. Hell, I almost want to lose to Tennessee Tech, if we can then go to Atlanta and wipe the floor with the Yellow Jackets. I mean, they will be going into that game with BCS dreams, and we can spoil that with four good quarters, dick-kicking them in the process (figuratively for most, literally for me). I mean, that will be absolutely, 100% more satisfying than winning some silly Sugar Bowl - destroying Tech's season would actually count for something. PICK: Oakland

New Orleans (-6 1/2) @ Miami. Last Sunday's prime-time Falcons game brought a different crowd atmosphere than the standard 1 p.m. kickoffs do. That's what eight straight hours of pre-game drinking will do, I guess. A good 15 minutes before gametime, I saw one near-fight in my section, and heard rumblings of others elsewhere. There was quite a bit of jackassery going on. But it never reached the level of this particular jackass:

I guess "Gaints" rhymes with "Saints?"

I mean, look at that wad. When was the last time you saw a more pained, pleading, attention-whoring expression? And you can tell he's been at it ALL FUCKING GAME, by the look of the woman to his left. But it's not his stupid face or Mark Richt-haircut that bothers me - it's the sign. Not the Saints-love, not the misspelling - just its general existence. Because there's a special place in Hell for people who bring signs to games. You're basically telling everybody around you, "My pathetic, childish ambition to get on TV for two seconds is more important than you seeing the field." DIE, ASSHOLE. PICK: Miami (yeah, I said it)

Atlanta @ Dallas (-4). Ok, once - once - I did bring a sign to a game. It was a Maryland/Georgia Tech Thursday night game, and I created a "51-7" poster to hold toward the GT student section (UGA had beat them by that score a year previous). In my defense, I was in the back row of my section, blocking nobody. And second, it was totally fucking awesome. Oh, and speaking of awesome, this game is starting to make me nervous - seemingly everybody is picking Atlanta to win outright. PICK: Atlanta

Chicago @ Cincinnati (-1). My two fantasy quarterbacks - Jay Cutler and Carson Palmer - face off. Yep, Cutler and Palmer. I'm probably not going to hit the league championship three-peat, no. PICK: Chicago

Buffalo @ Carolina (-7). So I ended up with a screener of Paranormal Activity, this year's most buzzed-about horror film. Avoiding all hint of spoilers, it's about a young couple and the bumps in the night that happen in their house. Of course, I definitely won't get into spoiling the ending - because I haven't actually seen it yet. I turned the movie off last night after about an hour. Now, yeah, you can throw bagina-rhyming insults my way, but at least let me point out it was at 1 a.m. Work night and all. But from what I did see, yeah, ok, it's pretty freaking scary, and I don't say that about movies very often. (It actually reminds me of my dad's old house, where crazy stuff happened a few times. One night, the dishwasher closed by itself and turned on. I shit you not. And one time I woke up pinned to the ceiling above my bed, pressure on my shoulders and shins keeping me there, which could have been a dream, but seemed silly real.) PICK: Buffalo

Arizona @ NY Giants (-7). I'm actually not joking about that ghost-in-my-dad's-old-house stuff. There was something there. They've since torn the house down, WHICH MEANS THE POLTERGEIST IS LOOSE IN BROOKHAVEN. PICK: NY Giants

Philadelphia (-7) @ Washington. Making fun of the Redskins isn't even fun anymore. Which of course is a total lie. PICK: Philadelphia

Last week: 8-6-0
Overall: 53-37-0


Stanicek said...

You're turning into one of those 87 year old Jawja fans I sit next to at Athens TD Club Meetings: "Let me tell ya son, I don't care ah lick if we go one and 'leven ev-ah-ree yee-ahh, long as we BEAT TEEEEE-YECH!"

Me personally - couldn't give a flying flip about Tech. They can whip us 69 ways from Sunday each and every year as long as we are bagging SEC Championships and going to National Titles. Right now we aren't doing either - so we are all screwed I guess.

Oh and f Dan Snyder.

Josh M. said...

That's the difference between growing up in Georgia vs. Maryland, my friend.

Jerry Glanville said...

the best horror film around is trying to watch the Atlanta Falcons secondary. More blitz. Less grits.