Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Aiding and A'Betting: Week Twelve

I'm putting a picture of the new A-Team here for no reason, other than it's awesome. Yes, that's Liam Neeson as Hannibal (along with Bradley Cooper, some MMA fighter who looks the part, and the guy from District 9 as Murdock). In theaters 06/11/2010. Click to embiggenfy.

Oh Thanksgiving, you pesky bastard.

As I have for the past 33 late November holidays, I'll be driving south. Florida is always the destination, though the particular city revolves between my mom and her two sisters. One year: Jacksonville. The next year: Melrose (think Gainesville). The next year: Palatka (think Mayberry on meth). And Jax is where I'm headed as you quickly skim this. It's not quite the same as Georgia-Florida football weekend, when the city's average age is roughly 19. I'd guess it will be around 68 over the next few days, so no trips to The Landing for me. Bingo, maybe.

The picks:

Green Bay (-11) @ Detroit. It's my annual Thanksgiving ritual: go to Florida, eat some ham and mashed potatoes with mustard (turkey is too dry), drink some beer, curse the NFL for not ending Detroit's stranglehold on Thanksgiving, watch a boring Lions game. For some godawful reason, the Lions always take the field on Turkey Day, and they haven't given us a compelling game in quite awhile. And, of course, a few days after I become interested in the Lions for the first time EVER, the reason I'm interested will be standing on the sideline. Happy Thanksgiving. PICK: Detroit

Oakland @ Dallas (-13 1/2). Hell, the Cowboys - the other regular Thanksgiving team - haven't been much better in recent years. And what was the NFL thinking pairing them with Oakland on the national stage? Great, so we're stuck with two day games with double-digit spreads, bound to only raise the pulse of douchenuts (namely, Cowboys and Raiders fans) nationwide. PICK: Oakland

NY Giants (-7) @ Denver. Thanksgiving night does give us a halfway interesting matchup, but only for the purpose of rooting against New York. Hell, Falcons fans have a legitimate interest in all three games (boo Packers, boo Cowboys, boo Giants), but this seems to be the only realistic shot at gaining playoff ground. But a realistic weak shot. PICK: New York

Indianapolis (-3) @ Houston. PICK: Indianapolis

Cleveland @ Cincinnati (-14). Not that anybody really reads this blog anymore - month-long dry spells will do that to a nice guy - but the world has missed two of The Great Headlines Of All Time this week. Seriously, "Staff infectious" and "Ginger ailing" would have easily gotten me a Society of Professional Journalists award, or whatever the hell that thing I won in college was. (Wait, did I win? Or get honorable mention or second place or something? I don't remember.) Anyway, my hilarity knows no bounds. Or so I keep telling myself in this grand echo chamber. PICK: Cleveland

Chicago @ Minnesota (-10 1/2). PICK: Chicago

Washington @ Philadelphia (-9). Oh, I got so close that Redskins-over-Cowboys upset prediction last week. So close. If only Washington didn't, you know, suck. PICK: Washington

Miami (-3) @ Buffalo. PICK: Miami

Seattle (-3) @ St. Louis. Man, I almost had a great storyline here. Last week, I whined about all three aspects of my NFL season going down the drain: real team (Falcons), fantasy team (Berman Stroke Hopers), picks record (11-18 over the previous two weeks). Well, the BSHs rallied under pressure, winning by 53 points. And as you can see below, I had my best 2009 week against the spread. Only, if only, Jason Elam could kick a field goal or Michael Jenkins could catch a ball, I'd be completely rejuvenated. PICK: St. Louis

Tampa Bay @ Atlanta (-12). Alright, here we are folks - I'm picking against Atlanta. Now don't mistake this for me being down on the team. Actually, I'm probably one of the more positive Falcons fans out there, as I put the chances of playoffs at a bit over 50%. But Atlanta is banged up, coming off a long road trip, and has a suddenly unreliable kicker. I don't see a problem winning, but the spread is too high. PICK: Tampa Bay

Carolina @ NY Jets (-3). This one might break interception records. PICK: Carolina

Jacksonville @ San Francisco (-3). PICK: Jacksonville

Arizona @ Tennessee (PICK). PICK: Tennessee

Kansas City @ San Diego (-13 1/2). PICK: Kansas City

Pittsburgh @ Baltimore (PICK). PICK: Baltimore

New England @ New Orleans (-3). As much as it pains me to say, this is the regular season game of the year. But really, that doesn't hurt nearly as much as this will: "G-g-g-go. Go P-P-Patr-Pat-Patrio-Patriots." Ugh, I need to take a bath. Somebody get me lye and hydrochloric acid. PICK: New England

Last week: 11-4-0
Overall: 89-70-1

1 comment:

Bobby said...

That's Quinton 'Rampage' Jackson