Thursday, November 19, 2009

Lunch at McDonalds



INT. MCDONALDS - EARLY AFTERNOON
The lunch rush is just beginning, and a lone CASHIER stands behind the counter. As another customer steps away, JOSH approaches the counter.

CASHIER
Welcome to McDonald's. How can I help you?

Josh produces a one dollar bill from his pocket, and holds it up.

JOSH
What can I get with this?

The cashier smiles.

CASHIER
How about a crispy, juicy chicken with all the
amenities, in an irresistible classic known
fondly as the McChicken?


Josh looks interested.

CASHIER
Or how about two sizzling, 100% pure all beef
patties, in an irresistible classic known fondly
as the double cheeseburger? Huhhhh?

JOSH
Wow, those both sound good. I'll take
the double cheeseburger.

CASHIER
Excellent choice. That'll be $1.07.

Josh pauses.

JOSH
Wait. What?

CASHIER
$1.07.

JOSH
What about the dollar, though?

CASHIER
Yes sir, $1.07.

JOSH
No, all I have is a dollar. What I just showed you.

CASHIER
Right.

JOSH
I don't have any change. Just the dollar.

CASHIER
You're in luck, because the double cheeseburger
is on our dollar menu! With all the amenities!

JOSH
So the dollar is good?

CASHIER
You're good to go!

JOSH
Oh, ok. Whatever. Here.

Josh hands the cashier the dollar.

CASHIER
$1.07.

JOSH
What? I just held up this dollar, asked you
what I could get for it, and you said the
double cheeseburger.

CASHIER
With all the amenities.

JOSH
But then you told me $1.07.

CASHIER
Right. Well, you know, tax.

JOSH
But no, back up. I said "What can I get for this,"
held up my single dollar bill, and you said I could
get the double cheeseburger.

CASHIER
Right.

JOSH
But now you're telling me that won't be enough.

CASHIER
It's on our dollar menu.

JOSH
I don't care what goddamn menu it's on. I
asked you a simple question.

CASHIER
Yes, you said you wanted two sizzling, 100% pure
all beef patties, in an irresistible classic known
fondly as the double cheeseburger.

JOSH
No, you said all that faggy shit. I
just said I want a double cheeseburger.
How much do I owe you for it?

CASHIER
$1.07.

JOSH
Let me ask you this. Is $1.07 more or less than
the dollar that's in my fucking hand?

CASHIER
More.

JOSH
So, I repeat - can I get the double cheeseburger
for the dollar that is in my hand?

CASHIER
With all the amenities!

JOSH
Ok, I'm done. Here's my dollar. Now give me that
double cheeseburger, or I will punch through
your chest, rip out your esophagus, and use it as
a goddamn straw.

CASHIER
If you want a drink, it will only cost you 99 cents!

INT. JAIL CELL - EVENING

2 comments:

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