Thursday, December 24, 2009

Aiding and A'Betting: Week Sixteen

Merry Christmas, you smarmy bastards.

You're going to have to suffer through truncated picks this week, as it's Christmas Eve and I have better things to do. Ok, I don't have better things to do, but I AM lazy.

The picks:

San Diego @ Tennessee (-3). I'm starting to get the feeling we'll have a Super Bowl shocker - basically, one that doesn't include the Colts, Vikings or Saints. Indy and New Orleans have pretty wretched secondaries, and I can see Aaron Rodgers and/or Philip Rivers picking them apart. The Vikings, meanwhile, are already in full meltdown mode. So let's go ahead and throw it out there: Martian Attacking Indianapolis' Super Bowl prediction? San Diego v. Green Bay. PICK: San Diego

Seattle @ Green Bay (-14). PICK: Green Bay

Oakland @ Cleveland (-3). PICK: Oakland

Buffalo @ Atlanta (-9). It's amazing how quickly this season flew by. My season tickets, once a large cardboard sheet of perforation, are now down to singles. Of course, when I held the full compliment in my hands, I was entertaining the thought this week's game would be a playoff clincher, or at worst the ninth win - giving the Falcons its first back-to-back winning seasons ever. Neither one of those has come to pass, and if Atlanta does get that elusive 9-7, it will have to come next week in Tampa. The eighth win shouldn't be hard to come by though, considering Buffalo is starting QB Brian Brohm in his first NFL action ever. PICK: Atlanta

Kansas City @ Cincinnati (-13 1/2).
The fantasy football playoffs are in full swing, and I'm back to relying on Carson Palmer as my starter. That whole Jason Campbell thing last week, well, at least it didn't lose me the game. But my God, really, what was I thinking there? Anyway, Palmer against Kansas City? Come on, that's good, right? Hopefully the Bengals don't have any more receivers die before then. PICK: Cincinnati

Houston @ Miami (-3). PICK: Miami

Carolina @ NY Giants (-7). PICK: Carolina

Tampa Bay @ New Orleans (-14). Yep, just like the Saints to lose the one game I want them to win. Hopefully God gives Jesus a big ol' Gulf of Mexico hurricane for his birthday. If it takes out the Bucs as well, it would be a true Christmas miracle. PICK: New Orleans

Jacksonville @ New England (-8). PICK: Jacksonville

Baltimore @ Pittsburgh (-2 1/2). PICK: Baltimore

Denver @ Philadelphia (-7). Tune back in over the next few days for Martians Attacking Indianapolis's 25 Best Movies of the Decade (here's a hint: the number one movie's initials are "TAOJJBTCRF"). Because nobody is doing "best of the decade" lists anywhere else. PICK: Denver

St. Louis @ Arizona (-14). PICK: St. Louis

Detroit @ San Francisco (-12 1/2). PICK: Detroit

NY Jets @ Indianapolis (-5). Weird line. That basically tells you Vegas has no idea what to expect - and that's obviously caused by Indy's unwillingness to say how long Peyton Manning will play. Of course, since I'm playing Manning in my fantasy football playoffs, I'm a'lovin' it. PICK: Indianapolis

Dallas (-6 1/2) @ Washington. PICK: Dallas

Minnesota (-7) @ Chicago. PICK: Chicago

Last week: 7-8-1
Overall: 116-106-2

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